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1st Annual Conference on How to Be Friendly at Church

Do you find yourself talking to the same people every week at church? Are there people on the other side of the fellowship hall that you see every week, but you don't know their names? Do you avoid making eye contact with strangers so you don't have to greet them? Do you often tell yourself that friendliness is not your spiritual gift, this is just how you are, and you can't be expected to greet people at church? Register for the first annual conference on how to be friendly at church, location to be determined, but probably not at your local conservative Reformed church. Join us in the following sessions:

1. You Are Your Brother's Keeper: In this session you will learn that you are responsible for other members of the church body, even if they are older/younger than you; their children attend a different school from yours (or are or are not homeschooled); their marital status is different from yours; they are not blood relatives; they did not attend high school and/or college with you; they have an ethnic background different from yours. Our speaker will remind you that, yes, you need to be friends with and show an interest in everybody in the church, not just the people you feel most comfortable with.

2. Will the Circle Be Unbroken? Our expert will say, "I hope not!" She will remind you that the circle needs to be broken to allow others in. She will cover topics like how to watch for people who are standing in a corner by themselves; how to welcome them into the circle and make them feel wanted there; how to choose conversation topics that will be of interest to people who weren't at the get-together at your house last night; and how to change that circle into an ellipse so you can actually get more people in.

3. Strangers in the Night (or in the Morning Service Too): Learn how to watch for visitors to your church and make sure that even if no one else greets them, you will. Participants will set goals to become the fastest, most determined, genuinely most concerned and compassionate member in reaching out to newcomers. You will learn skills like showing new parents where the nursery and bathrooms are, inviting guests who are alone to sit with you, and helping those who are unchurched with Bibles and Psalter Hymnals. 

4. Into the Woods: Attendees visiting this session must have a signed note from a physician indicating they are in good health. This rigorous two-hour experience will take you into uncharted territory, where you will learn how to talk to and fellowship with people with whom you have never spoken. In fact, during the session you will be placed in a situation where you must communicate with a person who has only the bonds of Christ in common with you. For example, if you are a young mom, you may be placed with an elderly widow. A teen who attends may be placed with an elderly man. A homeschooling parent may have to communicate with a parent whose child attends Christian school. If you are married, you'll be talking to a single. This session is not for the faint of heart, and we recommend that you complete session # 1 before attending this one.

5. Hospitality 101: Again, this session is for those eager for a challenge. Learn how to invite people other than your best friends and family into your home for dinner or dessert. Increase your sensitivity levels so that you learn to determine which members of the church could benefit from a meal, a greeting card, or an encouraging phone call. Learn how social interaction outside of church can build stronger ties in the church.

Please make your reservation as soon as possible, but because this topic is not of great interest to very many, we expect that there will be plenty of room. There is no charge for attending. Bring your best friend, your cousin, the person who was your friend in the last church you were a member of--you know, one of the four to five people you always talk to at church.

  

The Souls of Women

I'm currently editing a book of historic Reformed confessions, and this comes from an eastern Hungarian confession from 1567:

First, women have souls, for these reasons: First, because they originated from an intelligent human being, they are people; therefore, they have souls (Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 6–7).

            Second, the elect and justified believe, are converted, and will be raised; whoever has a soul like the wise virgins believes, is converted and justified, will be raised and go into eternal life. Therefore, women have souls.

            Third, a woman gave birth to Christ, and women give birth to sensate humans with souls and bodies. Of whatever kind of being the son, race, or seed, such is its son or fruit. If the sons are sensate beings, so too is the mother who bore them (1 Cor. 6; 15; Luke 1; Phil. 3; Gal. 4–5; 1 Tim. 2).

            Fourth, Mary the mother of Jesus and other holy women sing: “My sensate spirit exalts the Lord: and my new and life-giving spirit rejoices in my redeeming God” (cf. Luke 1:46; Ex. 15). Therefore, they have sensate and new souls.

            Fifth, Christ restored to life the daughter of the chief priest and master of the Jews’ assembly and said that the girl’s soul had returned when He did so (Luke 8:55).

While I'm not a feminist by any means, I do have to say that we've come a long way, ladies. Phew!

Unpacking Forgiveness: A Book Review

If you live in this world, it's a given that at some point, you will offend someone else. The other reality that is much more obvious to us is that if we live in this world, someone else will offend us. Recent events around me have reminded me just how critical it is that we continue to grapple with this great challenge of repentance when we have offended and forgiveness when we have been offended. I'm an observer of one whose life is crumbling around her because she will not forgive wrongs--real and perceived--that have been committed against her in the past. And I'm watching as a church self-destructs because its members have so little understanding of these two most important things. Jesus teaches us to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors," and the health of our Christian lives certainly depends on our genuineness as we pray this and implement it in our lives.

So if there is anyone out there who is still looking for a New Year's resolution, I have a suggestion, and it's a relatively easy one to accomplish: read Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds by Chris Brauns. I used to work in a Christian bookstore, and I can tell you from experience that there is no shortage of books by Christians on this subject. But Brauns sets his book apart from others early on when he points out the truth that our definition of forgiveness must be based on how God defines it: "The first thing to do in developing an understanding of how we should forgive one another is to understand how God forgives us. This simplifies defining forgiveness because the Bible says far more about how God forgives people than it does about how people should forgive people."

Brauns describes the characteristics of God's forgiveness: it is gracious but not free; it is conditional, in that only those who repent and believe are saved; it is a commitment by God to those he forgives; it lays the groundwork for and begins the process of reconciliation; it does not mean the elimination of all consequences. The rest of the book "unpacks" this definition as Brauns writes with pastoral empathy, great clarity, winsomeness, and, at times, with humor. He contrasts his own understanding of forgiveness with the idea of therapeutic forgiveness, a concept introduced by author Lewis Smedes. For Smedes, forgiveness means letting go of anger and bitterness over a real or perceived offense. Brauns points out the flaws in this view that is widely held by many Christians.

One of the points Brauns drives home that made an impression with me is the urgency of reconciling with those who have offended us. He spends several chapters explaining Matthew 18, a key chapter that addresses how Christians should be reconciled when a relationship has been broken. He gives the example of two women who have been friends for years. One becomes angry at the other when she learns she has been talking about her behind her back. The one who has been offended approaches the other, who refuses to apologize. The offended friend then takes her case to an elder in her church, who counsels her to just let it go. The author then asks readers what the offended friend should do and gives these options: go to her house and hug her; write a loving note but give her friend some space; keep her distance and not communicate at all; or other.

After setting this scenario, though, Brauns continues with the anecdote. The offended friend learns that the only daughter of the friend who has offended has been tragically killed in a car accident. Brauns asks readers what the offended friend should do, giving the previous options. He explains that most people answer that she should go to her sorrowing friend and hug her, without delay. He concludes:

"The point from Matthew 18 is that [the offended friend] should have had that same level of urgency before the tragedy. . . .  She should have gone to [her friend] and hugged her in the first place. Christians should urgently pursue conflict resolution all the time."

Brauns also provides practical wisdom on matters such as what to do when someone is unrepentant, how to combat bitterness, how to stop thinking about a hurtful situation, and what to do when we just can't agree.

Unpacking Forgiveness is available at many booksellers, but my favorite one is right here.

What Christmas Is All About

In It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey learns that Christmas is about giving and receiving and relationships. "No man is a failure who has friends," Clarence the angel reminds George, who has just had the opportunity, on Christmas Eve, to see what the world would be like if he had never been born.

The experiences of Ebenezer Scrooge show us that Christmas is about being kind and generous and embracing relationships. Once a miserable, stingy, hate-filled old man, Scrooge learns to keep Christmas as well as anyone living.

For Ralphie, Christmas is mostly about getting a Red Ryder BB gun, and a little bit about spending some time with family making memories.

The Grinch's heart grows three sizes when he realizes after he has stolen all of Whoville's presents, decorations, and Who-ham that Christmas comes anyway. Christmas is far more than Christmas presents.

The stories of Christmas tell us that the holiday  is about being a little nicer, feeling a little warmer, being more inclined to perform acts of generosity and kindness to our fellow human beings. And doing all of these things gives us that--well, you know--that feeling of Christmas, children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile while hearing silver bells ringing on every corner.

As much as I love the stories of Christmas, though, most of them get it wrong. Most of them communicate that Christmas is about something we do, something we get, something we make, or something we buy. But how empty a Christmas created by us leaves us! The decorations come down. The presents break, get old, don't fit, get returned. The little love we've put in our hearts for our fellow man drowns in January's slush. We find ourselves asking Charlie Brown's question: "I guess I don’t really know what Christmas is about. Isn’t there anyone who understands what Christmas is all about?"

And Linus gives Charlie Brown the best answer:

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘fear not, for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you. Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in the manger.’ And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, ‘glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men.’”

For George Bailey, that old building and loan will continue to struggle to survive, Uncle Billy will continue to drink too much, and chances are good that George will never get to go to college or travel around the world.  Scrooge will find that despite his best efforts at good will toward his fellow man, he will continue to be frustrated with fellow humans who are irresponsible, tardy, and, in his opinion, spendthrifts. Ralphie will outgrow his BB gun and want something bigger, more expensive, and, most likely, well beyond his grasp. And the Grinch will find that a heart that grows is not necessarily a heart that has been changed and will continue to battle the demons of jealousy and bitterness despite the warm feelings he experienced in Whoville that Christmas day.

But Linus's Christmas story give us hope because it isn't about us. It isn't a story of our becoming stronger and improved as we come to a better understanding of who we are and what we have; it is about God taking the form of a baby, becoming smaller and weaker than those He would save. It isn't about obtaining the very things of this earth that our hearts most desire; it is about God giving up the glories of heaven and living a life of poverty to rescue us from hell. It isn't about how we generate peace and good will from inside ourselves as we reach out to others, donate to our favorite charities, or lend a helping hand. It is about the peace and good will  that God offers to us as He sends His Son to die so that we can be reconciled to Him. It isn't about a season; Christmas is a reality that will carry us through the disappointments and tragedies of life, whether they happen in February, May, or October. It is about a happy ending that continues beyond the happy ending, whose next chapter does not disappoint.

Come, thou long expected Jesus, 
born to set thy people free; 
from our fears and sins release us, 
let us find our rest in thee.  
Israel's strength and consolation, 
hope of all the earth thou art; 
dear desire of every nation, 
joy of every longing heart.


Born thy people to deliver, 
born a child and yet a King, 
born to reign in us forever, 
now thy gracious kingdom bring. 
By thine own eternal spirit 
rule in all our hearts alone; 
by thine all sufficient merit, 
raise us to thy glorious throne.

~Charles Wesley

Happy Birthday in Heaven

Kristi Lynn Walborn
December 6, 1969 - January 16, 1990

Annette and Kristi
August 6, 1983

Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart--oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape--of your sister.

~Katherine Mansfield

Happy birthday in heaven, my funny, messy, noisy, beautiful, smart, stubborn, little-bit-naughty but sweet sister. See you soon!