Kristin Kluck: Worshiping at the Altar of Family

Christians understand the value of families. Those of us who are Reformed, in particular, understand that God always has worked through families, and he continues to do so at this point in history. But can our families become an idol? Kristin  Kluck raises some interesting points as she considers this question.

Got It Covered

Katie finishes working at her college's library, drives my car back over to the seminary building where I work to pick me up, and I  hop in the driver's seat. The next leg of the trip is west on 96 to 196, south through downtown on 131, and off at 36th Street, where we pick up our next passenger, Jonathan, who has just finished two hours of basketball practice. We have miles to go before we sleep--or at least I thought we did.

I drive around the corner to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things that we need for dinner, and both kids stay in the car. I hurry through the store, gather fresh vegetables, and stand in the less-than-ten items line for a few minutes. I dash back out to the car, where both exhausted children (19 and 17, mind you) are leaning against the windows in the front and back seats with their eyes shut. Neither of them even looks up as I get in the car and back out of the parking spot.They've had a hard day.

As I drive through the parking lot I comment, "A kidnapper could be driving the two of you away, and you wouldn't even know it. You'd be ten miles from here, and there'd be nothing you could do."

Summoning all of the strength left in his weary 17-year-old body, Jonathan speaks up from the back seat: "I'd beat him up. Katie has her license--she could drive away. We'd be fine."

And I feel much better now knowing there's a strategy in place.

The Challenges of Gift Giving

Another Christmas has come and gone, and with it the pressures of Christmas shopping and gift giving. It's not that I'm a stingy person--I love to be generous and give gifts to the people I love. But I don't like feeling like Christmas gift giving has evolved into a duty, the challenge of buying things for people who have everything that they need--as well as a lot of stuff that they don't need. It's the tension of avoiding Christmas becoming all about the physical things we can buy for each other while focusing on the reality that the Word became flesh--our God took on a physical body to attain for us the spiritual blessings that none of us could ever buy.


I wouldn't want to do away with gift giving, I suppose. Gift giving motivated by love can be meaningful and joyful. But I yearn, like blogger Amy Julia Becker, for a time when gifts meant more because they were something beyond the everyday. Amy Julia explains:


My idealized version of Christmas comes from “Little House on the Prairie,” where Christmas involved treats and presents that weren’t a part of every day life. Laura and Mary couldn’t imagine anything better than a stocking with a tin cup, a peppermint stick and a shiny new penny. I would love for our Christmas celebration to approximate their sense of delight. But I can only imagine one way for Christmas morning to become a time of celebrating the material world and humbly receiving from one another. We would have to live more simply for the other 364 days of the year.

In the world of the Little House family, when an orange and peppermint stick were once-in-a-year events, it was relatively easy to find gifts that would delight the receivers.  Those peppermint sticks and oranges didn't have to compete with smart phones, flat-screen TVs, game systems, and e-readers. And the relationships among family members satisfied then what many of us try to satisfy today with things that drive us away from meaningful human relationships. What could possibly provide this level of delight in our fast-food, Facebook, texting, smart-phone world, where our problem is finding space for all of the stuff we already have, never mind room for all the new stuff we don't need--or even want? 


This year, I think my daughter Katie had the right idea. A college student, she is operating on a limited budget. We encourage her to use whatever money she earns from babysitting jobs, photography clients, and her on-campus job in the library for the things she needs: tuition, books, day to day expenses. She wanted to give gifts to her family, but she didn't have much to work with. She adopted a chapter from the Little House books and bought each of us small treats that she knew we would enjoy. For Henry and me, a small box of Belgium chocolates. For her brother, some kind of Japanese soda with a marble in it that is released when you open the bottle. She gave similar treats to her grandparents. I loved watching her hand out her well-thought-out treats and the delight she obviously felt as we received them with gratitude. Things that aren't part of the every day, things carefully thought out and lovingly given. Things that didn't cost much in dollars.


And then there was Jonathan, whose face lit up when he opened up the package with the Answers in Genesis book that he asked for. The truth is, he would have been thrilled to have found a laptop or expensive game system under the tree. But if he had, I'm not sure he would have found the book so exciting, and I'd rather he learn, for now, the value of the gift of learning.


So while I still haven't entirely figured this gift-giving thing out, some good things happened this year at Christmas. Next Christmas, I'm sure, will be the one where I figure it all out.

Ten Things I Want My Kids to Know about Facebook

1. Facebook is only a tool. By itself it is neither evil nor good. What you do with it is evil or good.
2. Think of Facebook as a room full of people—some of them you don't know at all, some you know a little bit, and some you are very close to, like family and friends. Only say things on Facebook that you would say in that room full of people. For instance, if you walked into that room and started telling everyone how mad you were at someone, you'd get some strange looks at the least. You'd probably get some stares if you shared intimate details about your health or your feelings for someone else in the room as well.
3. When you post something on Facebook, whether words or images, ask yourself if what you're putting there will bring shame to Christ, to whom you belong.
4. Friends come very cheaply on Facebook. It takes little effort to post a word of sympathy in a time of difficulty or a word of congratulations in good times. Real friends will sit and cry with you when you are sad, and they will hug you and smile when they are happy for you. There are no hugs and tears on Facebook.
5. You can't be a real friend to someone on Facebook. Don't ever think that when you've written a note of sadness or encouragement on someone's wall that you've done your part and been a true friend.
6. Is what you're looking at on Facebook causing you to sin? Are you envious? Lusting? Angry? Better to pluck out your Facebook account than to sin.
7. Are you wasting time to visit Facebook? Are you visiting on an employer's time? Are you spending time on Facebook rather than doing something else you should be doing—like homework, spending time with a friend or family member, reading your Bible and praying?
8. Remember that by what you post you can be a stumbling block to others, causing them to sin.
9. Many people use Facebook much like a manufacturer of a product uses advertising--to create an identity for a product, and in this case, for themselves. You know about that person only what he or she wants you to know. So these people use Facebook to show you that they are popular, sexy, successful, or have a perfect family life. They create a false identity and find value in the affirmations of others. Don't use Facebook for that. Remember that your identity and value are in Christ, not in what you say about yourself or what others say about you. Don't seek affirmation on Facebook because the responses you get will be shallow and leave you craving more.
10. It might not be possible for people to identify you as a Christian by everything you post on Facebook—and that's okay—but don't post something that would cast doubt on the fact that you are a Christian.

Vacation 2010

Vacation 2010: Katie, Jonathan, and cousin Elizabeth at Hartwick Pines State Park

Vacations can be tricky things, I've learned. We plan and we wait and wait and wait--with great anticipation--for those few luxurious days when the only agenda is no agenda, when the only things we do are the things we want to do when we're doing what we have to do--reading a book in the sun, swimming in the lake, hiking, canoeing, golfing, biking, shopping. How could this be anything less than bliss?

We waited and waited and waited--with great anticipation--for vacation 2010: a week at a cottage on Higgins Lake. And we certainly were not disappointed. We slept in and some of us didn't get dressed till noon, read books in the sun, swam at the lake, hiked, canoed, played games, laughed a lot, and just plain made lots of wonderful memories. We even added our Elizabeth to the mix, the sweetest and funniest fourteen-year-old niece and cousin you could have, making our week that much more fun.

But it's a myth to think that vacation isn't work, that we're living heaven on earth for a few days. A power outage that lasts for eight hours forces us into town for food and water and finds us amusing ourselves at Super Walmart.  We discover that the woods aren't just filled with the sounds of rustling leaves, melodious birds, and rays of sunlight--they're filled with mosquitoes too. And how long it takes three teenagers traveling in a canoe to reach the landing at four miles an hour becomes more than just an algebra problem--it eventually becomes a funny story after everyone finds their place in the canoe. And you also learn that space is a good thing when teenagers and adults are living in the same place.

But in the end, the imperfections blend together with the squirt gun fights at the lake, the cute puppy up the street, the time when Jonathan nearly got left behind at the pizza place, our family watching a movie together or playing UNO, and Katie and Elizabeth's numerous hours devoted to . . . coloring. And you put it all together, and you have the lovely memory of vacation 2010.

(This post is dedicated to LRHG, who is tired of the kissing picture. Go figure . . .)

Toy Story 3

I'm sure many families, like ours, have watched their children grow up with Andy, the child character in the Toy Story movies. When the first Toy Story movie came to theaters in 1995, Katie was 4 and Jonathan was 2. Katie remembers seeing it in the theater (she said she thinks it's the first movie she can remember seeing in a theater), and, of course, Jonathan does not. We did come to own the video, though, so we watched it many times together as a family. By the time Toy Story 2 came out in 1999, Katie and Jonathan were a little older and we were great fans of Woody, Buzz, and the family that looked a little like ours at the time: a single mom and Andy and his little sister. 

So it was a poignant experience today, watching the grown-up Andy now heading off for college. I won't give away the plot for anyone out there who still plans to see it, but the movie has a lot to say about the importance of belonging, of loving and being loved, and of what we're willing to endure at times to be there for someone we love. But it's also about growing up--the things that we let go as we grow and the memories that are there to stay. So there I sat next to my nearly 19-year-old Katie and my 16-year-old Jonathan, and I sniffled a little bit at the end as we collectively said goodbye to Andy, Buzz, Woody, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, and all of Andy's special toy friends who have become our toy friends. And I thought about the lonely American Girl dolls packed away in the basement and the Brio trains and track that make an appearance only when little boys come to visit, and I hoped that someday there would be children who would welcome the chance to play with them.

And then we went to our longtime favorite pizza place and reminisced about the times we spent there in the past and the toys we once loved. And for old time's sake, Katie and Jonathan even bickered a little over cleaning the bathroom, and we threatened to make them walk home. But it was a wonderful way to spend a hot summer holiday afternoon, celebrating childhood, family, and happy memories.  So do go see Toy Story 3. You'll be glad you did.