5/16/11

"Love Their Husbands"

My Mother's Day was very sweet this year. Now that the kids are getting a little older, they are able to treat me in ways that are better even than gifts, although Jonathan gave me a beautiful card and Katie gave me a very pretty coffee cup that is now my favorite. We had my parents over for lunch, and Henry and Katie put the meal together while Jonathan set the table. I was ordered out of the kitchen and spent my time playing the piano while they all put the meal together. It was a lovely day.

And yet there was a small, gray cloud hanging over the day. Not because of anything my family did or didn't do--they were great-- but because of some news we had received earlier in the week that a family that we all know and have been friends with for years is getting a divorce. We were all shocked to hear it. They seemed to be such a solid Christian family. The husband works hard at a good job, shows great love for his two children and wife, takes care of his house and lawn, and takes his family boating and camping in the summer. The wife was able to work at home before the children were in school, and keeps her home beautifully and dotes on her children. Katie has babysat for the children. The family has taken Jonathan in, making a special, conscious effort to include him in their activities, knowing how difficult things have been for him growing up without a dad. When I had no idea where to send Jonathan to a high school where he would be able to grow in healthy ways, the wife was the answer to my prayers when she told me about a small, conservative Lutheran high school that has, in fact, worked very well for Jonathan.

And now, we hear, she has left--a husband, two beautiful children, a lovely home, and even a much-loved dog--because she hasn't loved her husband in many years, she says.

During my single years, I had several opportunities to get to know men whose wives had left them for similar reasons. I've never seen anything so sad as these men who will admit they made mistakes but were genuinely trying to be good husbands and fathers to their families, who now sit back watching the wives that they still love going out on dates with their boyfriends or remarrying, relegated to being fathers to their cherished children only on the weekends. The children in these situations feel a pain that will never go away and are hurt and angry that the family that they had once been a part of is now broken and beyond repair. I've told Katie and Jonathan more than once that it's definitely painful when a parent dies, but far worse is when a parent chooses to leave, chooses to destroy the family, chooses to forever scar his or her children because of selfish desires that will never be satisfied.

The women in these situations seem to be hoping to star in their own personal chick flick or be the main character in a Christian romance novel, hoping to find themselves, find romance, find love--find something more satisfying than loving God, their husbands, and their children. They won't find "it" because there isn't anything to find. There is no object to discover, only a task to be fulfilled.

Back to Mother's Day: Our pastor preached from Titus 2:


Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
It was a convicting sermon, and if there was a woman who walked out of church that day feeling like she had it altogether, she wasn't listening well. But the concept that struck me--again--is how unlike the world's notion of love biblical love is. Most think of love as a kind of passive thing, something that we fall in and out of, something that happens to us--an object we hope to find. The world also sees it as something optional--you can love your husband or not love your husband. In fact, we often hear that someone stays in a marriage for the sake of the children even though he or she doesn't really love his or her spouse.

That's not at all what Paul is saying here as he instructs the older women to train the younger women to love their husbands and children. Love here is something to be learned--something that must be learned and exercised in order to be obedient to God. As our pastor pointed out, the passage doesn't say wives should love their husbands if they are thoughtful, romantic, good looking, helpful around the house, whatever else we might think that we want in a husband. Just love him. Because we are commanded. Because you can't truly love your children--or God--if you're not loving your husband.

And so I'm sad for this man who says that he married his wife for life but is faced with the ugliness of divorce. I'm sad for these children who have known what it is to have a rich family life but who will never have it again, whose future will mean dividing holidays up between more families than there are holidays. And I'm sad for this woman who thinks that she'll find something more satisfying out there than loving her husband and children and who thinks that love will happen to her somehow, someday. Outside of chick flicks and romance novels, there are no happy endings for those who wait for love to find them. The answer to not loving anymore is to start loving again. Only in this is there a happy ending.

Katie and the Governor

Katie is just starting her second week of a photojournalism internship with the Holland (Michigan) Sentinel. Last week was Holland's famous Tulip Festival, and Katie was quite busy photographing the festivities.

For those of you who are not Michiganders, the gray-haired man on the left is Michigan's new governor, Rick Snyder. He was visiting the Hudsonville Creamery, which is near Holland, to sample two new flavors created especially for him. And Katie was there to photograph the event.

Also there was her internship supervisor, who instructed her to go stand near the governor and do something crazy. So she did. And the best part? Hudsonville Ice Cream gave each of the photographers two half gallons of ice cream to take home. I think Katie's summer is getting off to a good start.

And if you want to see some of her pictures from the Tulip Festival, including a respectable photo of Governor Snyder that Katie took when she wasn't being silly, take a look here.

5/6/11

Short and Sweet

"Is the world safer with bin Laden dead? Who knows. But it is better."

~Peggy Noonan

5/4/11

Why I Don't Need to Read Love Wins to Know I Don't Need to Read Love Wins

If you haven't heard of this book, good for you. It probably means that you have better things to do than waste lots of time on the Internet reading about books that you don't need to read. But lots of Christians out there are talking about Love Wins by Rob Bell, pastor of Mars Hill Church  and author of  books like Velvet Elvis and Sex God. The book has stirred controversy because in typical Bellian fashion, the author raises provocative questions from the beginning of the book. He tells an anecdote about an art fair at his church. An artist  incorporated a quote by Gandhi into her artwork, and someone attached a note to it saying, "Reality check: He's in hell." This leads Bell to ask, first, how anyone knows what Gandhi's eternal destiny is. But this is the broader question that this leads to: "Of all the billions of people that have ever lived, will only a select number 'make it to a better place' and every single other person suffer in torment and punishment forever? Is this acceptable to God? Has God created millions of people over tens of thousands of years who are going to spend tens of thousands of years in anguish? Can God do this, or even allow this, and still claim to be a loving God?"

And we see where Pastor Rob is headed. In a later chapter, he criticizes churches who give a summary of their beliefs on their websites and state their belief that those who do not believe in Jesus will be sent to eternal punishment in hell. It's as clear as Rob ever gets that he doesn't like this, that this notion of eternal judgment is contradictory to a God with whom all things are possible.

But that's it. That's all I've read--the Amazon preview. And I don't need to read any more to tell you that I don't need to read this book. Clearly Rob is questioning the doctrine of judgment and hell, and I really don't have any questions about that. It isn't that I know all there is to know about the Bible and its teachings--far from it. But I am Reformed, and Reformed believers have the great blessing of historic creeds and confessions that provide summaries of what the Bible has to say about the major doctrines of the church. These confessions were written by theologians, godly men who studied the Scriptures and summarized their teachings. And these same confessions have been upheld by other godly Christians and church bodies who have studied the matter and affirmed that--yes--this is what Scripture teaches on this subject. 

And so what does the Heidelberg Catechism have to say about eternal judgment?

Q. How does Christ's return "to judge the living and the dead" comfort you?
A. In all my distress and persecution I turn my eyes to the heavens and confidently await as judge the very One who has already stood trial in my place before God and so has removed the whole curse from me. All his enemies and mine he will condemn to everlasting punishment: but me and all his chosen ones he will take along with him into the joy and glory of heaven.

And the catechism gives Scripture references to support  what it says: Luke 21:28; Romans 8:22-25; Philippians 3:20-21; Titus 2:13-14; Matthew 25:31-46; 11 Thessalonians 1:6-10.

I don't need to read all of Rob's distorted catechism questions with no answers to find the answers to questions that have been answered thoroughly and biblically from the Scriptures centuries ago, especially when he's offering us a heresy that has been rejected already many times through the centuries. I don't need to revisit what I've been taught about hell from my childhood because what I've been taught is the truth of God's Word.

Of course there are those of you out there who are wondering how fair it is of me to judge that Pastor Rob's ideas are all wrong when I haven't even heard him out or read his arguments. Again, this is a non-issue for me, so I don't need to hear him out. But this is one of the great blessings of the information age--the Internet. There are plenty of theologians out there who are willing to read this book and review it. And because I know  that reviewers like Carl Trueman, Kevin DeYoung, and Mark Galli are reliable, wise, and discerning, I can take their word for it when they tell me that Love Wins contradicts the truths of Scripture and history. 

So I close, not with questions about hell, but with the answers that have stood the test of God's Word and history: 

Hell and judgment, the Bible teaches, are acceptable to God. They are part of His plan.
Really.
God has created millions, billions of people who will suffer eternity in anguish.
Truly.
This is acceptable to a loving God. In fact, this is the requirement of a loving God, a God with whom all things are possible.
And this is sad. Some will spend eternity apart from him.
But here's the good news: God gave His Son, Jesus, to die for the sins of the world, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but will have everlasting life.
This is all about justice,
mercy,
and--yes--love.