Q&A a Day

One of my favorite Christmas gifts this year is the journal pictured below that has already been a lot of fun. Q&A a Day asks a new question each day of the year and provides space for only the briefest answer. Each year for five years you answer the same question, and at the end of five years, you have a record of your thoughts and activities for the last five years.

The New Year's Eve question asked what my favorite memory of the past year was. Since I have at least three very special people in my life, I couldn't pick just one. So I picked one memory for each of the people who are most dear to me.

My favorite memory with my husband was a week we spent back in August in Traverse City. Just the two of us in the dwindling days of summer. We stayed at a small cottage that we had rented the previous year, and as soon as we walked in the door, I immediately felt happy and relaxed. It's one of those kinds of places. It's small and a little rustic. A screened-in porch looks out over a small inland lake. The yard is filled with tall pines, and everything smells fresh and summery. The kids were welcome to come with us, but Katie was finishing up her photojournalism internship, and Jonathan thought he had nailed down a job and shouldn't be away. And while I love my kids and would have enjoyed having them, I must say that it was a lovely week for just the two of us. We'd have a leisurely time in the mornings, eating breakfast and then sitting out on the porch reading books while the sun grew warmer. We'd stop now and then to watch the bird activity in the trees in the yard or out on the lake. The weather was perfect all week, and we filled the afternoons with hiking, canoeing, taking a sailboat cruise in Charlevoix, and eating at restaurants we wouldn't have eaten at if there had been four of us. Not all couples are at a place in their lives where they can get away for an entire week by themselves, but if you are, I encourage you to go create what will be one of your favorite memories for 2013. 

Katie gave me my favorite memory this fall. I had purchased some beautiful mums for the front porch--the prettiest color of crimson I had ever seen. I placed the planter them in a little plant stand, but it wasn't quite as big as the stand, so there was "wiggle room." I don't remember what had happened that day, but I do remember that it had been one of those crazy days filled with minor frustrations. It had also been a windy day. I pulled into our driveway after work, and there was my planter of beautiful mums upside down. Ugh. Katie followed me into the house a few minutes later and asked, "What happened to your flowers?" I told her, "It's the perfect ending to the way this day has been." Henry and I had to go out for awhile, but when we returned, there was a whole new display of mums with one large planter and three small ones around it that had been left by my lovely mum fairy, Katie. What a sweet gesture of love--and what a great memory to have just weeks before my girl got married and became a real grown-up.

Jonathan gave me my favorite memory last spring during baseball season (I can't believe I'm saying that; I'm a sports anti-fan). I admire people who aren't afraid to put themselves out there and try something new, which is exactly what Jonathan did. All through school, he had never played any sports. But at his small, Christian high school, the teams were desperate for players, so there were no cuts, and everyone was welcome to join the team. His junior year, he joined the basketball team and then the baseball team. In both sports, he spent a lot of time on the bench, but he was a winner because he got himself into great physical condition and learned a lot about working hard, pushing himself to try new things, and being part of a team. This past year--his senior year--he played basketball and baseball again, but in baseball, he played most of the season. His junior year the baseball team had been made up of  players from two small schools, so there were lots of players. This past year, the baseball team was made up of just players from West Michigan Lutheran, and most of them were fairly young and inexperienced--and they had just enough to make a team. Jonathan struggled for most of the season, learning and improving, like the other players, and losing more games than winning, but finally, in his last game, something clicked. They were playing against the team they had played with the previous year, and they really wanted to win. Jonathan was playing right field, as usual, and he had been steadily improving at it all season. At bat, he finally connected with the ball and hit a pop fly that was caught, but none of the fans cared because we were so thrilled that he finally hit the ball. The team made an amazing comeback and beat their rivals, and Jonathan contributed by catching a couple of pop flies to right field. Afterward, during a team picture that Katie took, the other guys on the team pulled water bottles out and poured them on Jonathan--the only senior on the team. It was a great game for him to end his high school career with, and we all had fun watching the guys honor Jonathan by soaking him.

So 2012 was an eventful year for our family: Jonathan graduated from high school and started college, and Katie and Ryan got married in November. Many changes, many memories. It will be interesting to review my journal eventually and trace the providences, thoughts, and events of five years.    

My Favorite Valentine Story

In celebration of Valentine's Day and five years of blogging, here's my favorite Valentine's story, and yes, it's a repeat. And yes--he still gives me flowers, but not every week. But now I have him.

To My Valentine

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I'm so glad that your hand holds mine,

And I will always belong to you.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, 

God blessed me more than I could have asked or imagined

When He gave me the gift of you.

Many waters cannot quench love, 
      Nor can the floods drown it. 
      If a man would give for love 
      All the wealth of his house,      
 It would be utterly despised.


~Song of Songs 8:7  

Two Years

Photo by LVL Photography

It's hard to believe that we'll be celebrating our second anniversary on Sunday, July 11. And two years later, we love to kiss, much to Katie and Jonathan's chagrin!

I heard this quote from the church father Tertullian at a family conference I attended last spring. I'm happy to say that it fittingly describes my life with Henry. Happy anniversary, my dear husband.

How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.

They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in Spirit. They are in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit.

They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.

Side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another, they never shun each other's company; they never bring sorrow to each other's hearts . . .  Psalms and hymns they sing to one another.

Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present, and where He is, there evil is not.

A Year in the Life . . .

This was us, a year ago on Saturday. While the year has blissfully flown by, it feels like I've been married to my dear Henry forever--in a good way, in the way that you can't really remember what life was like before. What a happy day--the day I became Mrs. Gysen. Happy first anniversary to us!

Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. ~Song of Songs 8:6

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. ~Martin Luther

Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with. ~Charles Dickens

[W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Love, how did I find you?
Was I even breathing before I knew your name?
Who could ever have planned this?
Arranged a whole planet to all turn out this way.
Hey, only Heaven knows
The dreams behind these things I'm asking
Even our angels look surprised
To bump their wings in passing
I love you
How can I say,
I love you
Let the words escape
Though you snuck up behind me
I thought I was hiding
But oh how I fell for you
~Chris Rice, "Let the Words Escape"

*photo by LVL Photography

My Valentine

In honor of Valentine's Day, this is some of the best stuff I've ever read:

To My Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

~Anne Bradstreet, 1612-1672

Happy Valentine's Day! Kiss someone you love!

*photo by Judy Grothause

Top Ten of 2008

It's that time of year: the top ten lists. Top ten books. Top ten movies. Top ten sports moments. Top ten rehab attempts by sleazy celebrity tarts. Top ten Obama gaffes. So what is left for someone who wants to create her own top ten list? While I've probably read more than ten books this year (it's my job), everybody does top ten books. I don't think I've seen ten new movies, and . . . sports moments . . . Was this an Olympics year? I'm definitely tired of tarts and politics. So that leaves me with only one natural choice: top ten personal surreal moments of 2008.

In a year filled with a middle-aged bride and groom, a bachelor (now married) merging with two teenagers, and a new house, there were more surreal moments than any one person deserves to dream about. So because I don't want you, dear readers, to be overwhelmed, I will give you five to start, and five more on Monday (hopefully). Here they are, as surreal moments should appear, in no particular order:

1. So many of my top ten surreal moments were, not surprisingly, wedding related. And so something that normally brings great joy--a shopping-type activity--ended up being not so pleasant. I had finally managed to convince my dear fiance to come with me to the mall to begin a gift registry. For some reason, I believed that Kohl's would be a good choice. It seems I always find things I want at Kohl's; in fact, I rarely walk out of that store without buying something. So we went to the counter and handed over my driver's license in exchange for a scanner. After a brief explanation about how to use the scanner, we headed over to housewares to decide just what we needed to make our new home complete. This was not such an easy task since we both had pretty much everything we needed to manage a household. We would look at an item like steak knives, discuss whether one of us had a sufficient set, and, if not, check them all out to decide which one was best, and then scan. (H is at the opposite end of the spectrum from impulse shopping, which is probably why he doesn't often go to malls. It's just too much work, and he needs something more to make a decision than just that something is a great color.)This was a rather lengthy process, and probably after an hour and a half of this, we headed back to the counter with a scanner filled with our hopes and dreams for kitchen utensils and small electronic devices. I handed the scanner off to a college-age young man, who carried it over to the kiosk and appeared to be doing what you have to do to transfer information from a scanner to a kiosk. However, the expression on his face lacked confidence as he looked at us and said, "You're not going to be happy about this." "Did you lose her license?" my ever-practical H asked. But it was far worse than that. A lost license would only require waiting several hours at the DMV on a Saturday morning and a replacement fee. He had somehow lost the gift registry list that had taken us so long to compile. He offered us nothing more than my license back and a mumbled sorry. The next day I called the store manager, hoping that there would be some sort of compensation for the incompetence of counter guy. After talking with a young lady from Kohl's IT who promised that this would not happen again if we came back and gave another piece of our life to the process, the manager offered us a whopping 15 percent off coupon. As a Most Valued Customer, I get better deals than that in the mail every week. Surreal. We registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, where we should have just gone in the first place.

2. We opened a gift registry because several generous friends and family members hosted showers for us. The first was from the women of the Gysen family: Henry's sister, nieces, mom, an aunt, several cousins, and my mom. It was my first time meeting most of them, and it was such a nice morning. My sister-in-law, Diane, had done a fantastic job. I noticed that as I began opening one gift in particular, one of the cousins made sure her camera was aimed and ready to fire. I opened the box to discover a very teeny crocheted lingerie set--perhaps only a little too large for a Barbie. It was hilarious, but a little surreal, to see my future mother-in-law carefully looking over my gift. Better yet was when H's cousin asked, "Want me to make you one, Aunt Sylvia?"

3. Katie passing her driver's test and getting her license. Enough said.

4. Jonathan's eighth-grade class trip in early June was to Cedar Point, and H and I (not married yet) decided to go along. I asked him if he liked amusement parks, and he said not particularly--something we shared in common. I'm not much of a ride person; a surreal Tilt-a-Whirl moment in high school where I lost my lunch on my friend sitting next to me kind of made me not so excited about rides. But--for Jonathan--we sucked it up and went. And what did I learn about my soon-to-be-husband that day? He is a roller coaster fiend. He'll ride any roller coaster any number of times and like it. And for those of you out there who are scratching your heads saying, "She's married to Henry Gysen, right?" all I can say is . . . it's surreal. And I do have Raptor video footage of H and J to prove all of this.

5. And now an explanation of the pictures, another surreal moment from this summer. In August, we decided a little family vacation to Mackinac Island was in order. When you think of Mackinac, you think of romance, lilacs, boats, quaint bed and breakfasts, horses and carriages, the majestic fort overlooking the lake, beautiful trails through the woods and onto the beach. Yet for our family, Mackinac has come to mean something even more: bats. As we started to enter the shop with the hand buzzers, trick dice, and funny sunglasses, we noticed this little black creature, who was not quite sure what to do. Maybe he'd had too much caffeine or couldn't find a spot beside one of his bat friends (also pictured, doing what bats should do in the daylight), or had too much to drink, but the lady working in the shop decided to rescue him and was carrying him around (ewwww!). And then the phone rang. That is a bat in her left hand. I do think in all my years I've never seen a person holding a bat in one hand and a phone in the other. This was worthy of a Poe short story. And interesting that her shirt says, "magic?" Photos by the talented Katie Selden.

Come back next week for part two of the top ten surreal moments of 2008.

New Scenes from the Next Act

Scene 1: A mom, dad, and son are taking a walk through the neighborhood on a beautiful evening in late summer. The three clearly enjoy each others' company--talk, teasing, and laughter ring out in the crisp evening air. The question of speed arises; both the dad and the son want to increase the pace, while the mom lags behind at her leisure. The combination of teasing, laughter, and testosterone results in a foot race, with the dad and the son speeding down the street toward the corner at the end of the block, laughing all the way as they urge each other on. The two reach the corner and put their arms around each other in an embrace--father and son in a fellowship of maleness that the mom can only watch appreciatively from the wings, where she's actually happy to be.

Scene 2: Mom and Dad are working together in the home office, he at his desk and she at hers. It's dark now, well into the evening, and the mom realizes that the daughter, who just got her driver's license, should be home soon from Madrigals practice. Almost as soon as Mom has this realization--as she checks her watch--she hears Daughter come in from the garage; she runs up the stairs and bursts into the office. "You should see this piece of music! It's amazing! Have you ever sung this in choir?" Even though the mom has some past choir experience herself, she knows this question is not addressed to her; it is addressed to Dad, across the room. Mom looks over her shoulder as Daughter and Dad together look at the music. Dad recognizes the composer and pulls out a CD with a performance of that very piece. Mom joins the two--Dad and Daughter--yet remains in the wings as they listen together to the amazing piece of music.

Scene 3: Mom comes in from work. It's been a long day. Dad greets her at the door with a hug and kiss and then tells her the son's principal has called. It's only the second week of school, and already there has been an issue. Dad describes the conversation he had with the principal and then the subsequent conversation he has had with the son. He believes the son has heard and understood and will work on doing better. While the mom is concerned for her son--that he get off to a good start, that he behave in an appropriate way, that he make new friends in his new school--she is reassured that Dad has managed the problem well, that things will improve. And she realizes that all of this happened while she was offstage, unaware of the developing plot line, uninvolved in this particular scene at all.

Scene 4: For several days now, the mom has stood in the background--preparing dinner, doing dishes, taking care of the laundry--while Daughter and Dad have made plans for her driver's license test. Since Dad is available, he will take her to the appointment. Some time passes, and it is the day before the test; Mom hears Dad and Daughter making final arrangements: what time he will meet her at school, at which door he should pick her up, whether the non-functioning wiper on the rear window will disqualify her from her test. The next day arrives, and Mom realizes that at this moment, a short while before lunch, Daughter is taking her test with Dad seated in the backseat. Mom returns from lunch and opens an email from Dad, telling her that Daughter has, in fact, passed. Later Daughter tells her that when she learned that she passed, Dad gave her a hug, told her that she'd done a good job--"you know--the dad thing," she explains.

And while for most audiences, this doesn't sound like very exciting drama, this stuff of everyday life, these are the scenes that thrill a mom's heart. This mom, who has always been right at center stage, playing both Mom and Dad, now at times actually gets to observe, from the wings, the development of characters as they interact with one another, playing off one another's strengths, seeking to improve points of weakness. She happily relinquishes her role as Dad to one who isn't just playing one but one who is one, as though he had been all along, one who carries off his role seamlessly, with great skill. It's hard to remember a time when Dad wasn't part of the cast, even though he's only been introduced recently in this next act. And Mom enjoys having the scenes that have been played out in her absence reenacted, retold, relived. It's nice to know the plot can continue to unfold, even without her direct involvement. It is hard to always be "on," at center stage, in the heat of the spotlight. And while she would never give up her integral part in this sometimes drama, sometimes tragedy, often comedy, it is with great relief and with thankfulness to the Master Director of this story that Mom welcomes this new cast member, with all her heart, to this new act.

Changes

Because of our big move this coming weekend and--there's something the following weekend--oh, right, getting married, and then a week of honeymooning after that, this will be my last post as a single mom, the way I described myself in my profile when I started this little blog. Back on that cold winter morning in January 2007, I had no idea that I would ever need to change the profile on my blog because (1) I didn't know how long blogging would last for me; and (2) I had pretty much decided marriage was something that, if it happened at all, would probably happen when I was much older, when Katie and Jonathan had grown up and moved on with lives of their own.

I have to say that this is a change I definitely welcome, because I've never wanted to be a single mom, I've always desired to be married, and having Katie and Jonathan was the result of my being married in the first place. And even though single parenting has been the most difficult task I can imagine, I've learned many things along the way on this twelve-year unwelcome journey that I hope will make me a better wife and married mom. These are some of the most significant lessons God has taught me.

1. God does provide--but not always in the way we would expect Him to. When I was between jobs and had no health insurance for my family and worried what would happen if one of us were sick or injured, God provided by keeping us all healthy and injury free. When I worried about a godly male influence for my growing children, God put it in my parents' hearts to move from Ohio to Michigan so that my dad was here to fill in the gaps. And then He gave me the idea of asking our church's deaconry if there was a young man who would like to minister to Jonathan as a "big brother," and God gave us Tom, who took Jonathan under his wing. When I resisted working full time because I didn't want to take time away from Katie and Jonathan but finances made it necessary, God gave me a full-time job at Discovery House Publishers, the most family friendly employer I can imagine. And my boss, Carol (who is more like a friend), who has great experience as a working mom and grandma, couldn't be more understanding when family issues arise. God does provide, we just need to ask for eyes to see His provision.

2. Waiting for God to deliver what we need is always the best strategy. I mentioned that I never wanted to be single, and raising two children is a lonely and trying job. Out of loneliness I entered the dating arena (always a wrong motivation), lowered my standards considerably, and was hugely disappointed on a couple of occasions as I tried to take matters into my own hands and find a husband. I'm not going to argue that actively seeking a spouse is a bad thing, but a desire for marriage has to be rightly motivated, and if it isn't, it probably won't go well (as it didn't for me). When I finally sat back, relaxed, and learned to be content with God's plan for my life, He brought me Henry--but only when He had made me ready for him. God always gives us what is best for us.

3. God does give us what is best for us, even when it hurts. It's the stuff of cliche: We tell our children, "This hurts me more than it hurts you" when we punish them or give them medicine or take them for a vaccination. And when we become adults, we look back and are grateful that our parents steeled themselves and punished us, made us take medicine, and took us for our vaccinations. During a long stretch of unemployment, several jobs became available that I just knew would be perfect for me. When I didn't get those jobs, I was angry and disappointed. One of those jobs was at a bookstore that ended up going out of business a few months after I interviewed for the job. Do you think God knew that bookstore was going to go out of business? I can't imagine a job that I could love more than the one I have now. I'm encouraged to learn and grow, my abilities are appreciated, I work with wonderful Christian people, I get to write often, and I've acquired the greatest group of author friends who are so enjoyable to interact with. And even though during my job search I often behaved as a selfish child, God still gave this amazing job to me. Thankfully He reserved His best for me and didn't just give me what I wanted.

4. I learned to approach life more calmly with a better sense of perspective. When I was 28, my 20-year-old sister was killed in a car accident. When I was 33, I stood by my 35-year-old husband's bedside as he drew his last breath. Looking death in the eye like that makes you see things a little bit differently. Gaining perspective still didn't happen for me overnight because I had to learn the lessons of numbers 1-3 before I really got a handle on this one, but I think I'm on my way.

5. I learned that I actually could do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I could take care of a family. I could buy a house. I could find a faithful church when the one we were members of collapsed. I could work full-time and find creative ways of meeting my kids' needs--and I could be good at my job. I could teach my children the truths of the Word with the help of instruction from a faithful pastor, godly school teachers, and godly grandparents. I could take us on a vacation to Williamsburg, Virginia. And now I can be a good wife to Henry--because God will provide what I need to be a good wife.

So as you, dear readers, think of us in the coming weeks, pray for us--for a safe and efficient move into a new home, a happy wedding with lots of great and meaningful moments, peace for Henry as he assumes the role of husband and father and actually lives with other people for the first time in many years, obedience and understanding for Katie and Jonathan as they now answer to a father for the first time in their memory, and encouragement as the three of us leave behind a church and pastor that we have loved and join Henry at his congregation. Pray that I'll never forget the lessons I've learned in my single years, and that those lessons will make me an effective wife, mom, and editor. Pray--because another lesson that I've learned is that God hears our prayers and answers when we pray according to His will.

And in a couple of weeks, when I come back to my little blog, it will be as a married mom.

May Happenings

This was just one of those weekends that was just jam packed with activity and excitement at the Selden house! The action began Friday night when Katie and friends attended South Christian's Junior-Senior Event [the nice word Christian schools use for prom]. Here she is all glammed up for the big night in her yellow Belle-like dress. She and several of her friends enjoyed sophisticated dining at TGIFriday's downtown and then attended the event at Grand Rapids Public Museum.


And while Katie was enjoying the South event, Henry and I were just around the corner at DeVos Hall in awe of the Grand Rapids Symphony and guest artist, pianist Andre Watts. It was quite an evening, with pieces by Ravel, a piano concerto by Grieg (featuring Watts), and a Tchaikovsky selection. What an evening of music, and Watts was excellent. From our seats in the mezzanine, we could actually watch him playing, and as someone who had piano lessons from third grade to college, I marveled at his technique and skill.

And it all peaked on Sunday with Mother's Day. Our little dining area was filled with mothers and the people who love them. Our celebration included the three of us, my parents, Henry, and his mom. It seemed appropriate that I, a mom, actually prepared a pretty good meal, something I know I'm capable of but rarely happens. We feasted on that great traditional Mother's Day favorite, lasagna, and for dessert we savored my best-ever homemade cheesecake.

And in the few down moments, I continued reading the sleeper surprise that is currently topping the Christian bestseller lists: The Shack. There will be a review when I've finished reading it--I promise! But this is probably enough excitement for now.

A Valentine Story

It's Valentine's Day, and--I can't believe this is true--but the most romantic story I know of at the moment is the one I'm living. So in tribute to love, romance, and Hallmark holidays, this is our story.

Our story actually began about two years ago (I'm not sure exactly when) when my pastor asked if I would be interested in meeting someone. I was still recovering from the previous disappointing relationship, but I said sure. I had heard of Henry before--a couple of different times his name had come up as someone that I should meet--but to this point no one that we both knew had seemed really driven to bring us together. The prophetic words of one friend still ring in my mind: "The girl who gets Henry is really getting a good one!" Truer words were never spoken.

When Henry didn't call, I really didn't give it much thought, and if I did ever think about it, I was usually more relieved than anything that he hadn't called. I had decided that I had experienced enough disappointing relationships and had had enough of dating. I was putting the whole dating thing on hold until Katie and Jonathan had grown up and moved on. Then, when I would be the only one to experience the trauma, I might explore the whole thing again.

So honestly, when I picked up the phone on a July evening in 2006 and heard, "This is coming out of the blue. I'm a friend of your pastor's," I was almost a little disappointed. Since I didn't know why so much time had lapsed between my pastor's asking and Henry's calling, the thought that went through my head was that I had given my word some time ago, and I should probably just have dinner. What harm would it do? We'd go out a couple of times, and then Henry would decide that being a bachelor really was what he wanted to be, and the whole thing would become a memory that would fade quickly. (Later I was to find out that even though my pastor had talked to me months previously, he had only talked to Henry about a month before he actually called.)

So Henry picked me up that Saturday evening, and I was impressed. He brought me flowers, and we had dinner at Carabba's. He opened all doors for me and behaved in the most consistently gentlemanly way I've ever seen. I was impressed--not smitten--but impressed. I remember thinking that I enjoyed our conversation. And when he brought me home, he asked if I would be available to go out for dinner the next week. I was a little surprised. Usually the next step would be a meaningless offer to "call sometime." Here was someone who was willing, on the spot, to commit to next week. I actually wrote him a thank-you note for being such a gentleman. Such demeanor was rare in my experience.

And so we continued. Every week Henry would bring me home, and every week he would ask me if I was free the next week. And I (even though I wasn't always sure why) would agree to see him. The truth was that I was surprised that he wanted to continue to see me; I was even keeping track of the number of dates that we had gone on in my planner at work.

Probably a turning point for each of us came on Labor Day. It was a beautiful, end-of-the-summer day, and both Katie and Jonathan were busy doing their own things. I steeled my nerves, called Henry, and asked him if he'd like to have a picnic. He seemed glad to do so, so I picked up some sandwiches at Panera, drove to his house, and then we went to Palmer Park. When we were finished eating, he asked me if I'd like to go on a hike. I was a little hesitant since I wasn't really dressed for it with my shorts and cute sandals. We decided to take one of the less challenging trails, but somewhere along the way the signs with the arrows disappeared, and I found myself, cute sandals and all, up to my knees in mud. Always the gentleman, Henry cleaned off my sandals at the first opportunity. Both of us were bleeding--branches had cut our legs. But it was hilarious. I realized after that day that Henry was someone who knew how to have fun, and he said that he realized that I would be willing to follow him anywhere.

And so we continued. We both played it very low key. We didn't talk about our dating relationship to others much, and we didn't go to church functions together. We weren't trying to be secretive. I think we both had the sense that this was between the two of us, and whatever happened needed to happen between us first without the input of others. And I was careful to keep Katie and Jonathan uninvolved until I believed there was reason to involve them.

On Memorial Day 2007, I invited Henry over for a cookout. Things went well, and it was sometime around then that I started inviting him over on Sunday evenings. It was during the summer that our love began to grow and we began to realize that this was something that we both wanted to last. And the kids began to get to know him as we'd all sit out on the patio on warm Sunday evenings, talking and laughing and catching fireflies.

By the end of the summer, I think we both knew that things were pretty serious, and now it was a matter of biding our time. We did start attending church functions together, and people began to realize that we were a couple. In fact, when Henry and I attended a dinner together at his church, an older lady came up and hugged him when she saw that we were together because she was so happy for him. Henry is very popular with the older ladies in his church.

And so on December 21, 2007, after almost a year and a half of dating, on an evening when we were celebrating Henry's birthday, he presented me with an engagement ring as we sat on the couch in his living room. He asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. To this day--unless something unusual comes up--he brings me roses every week. We go to dinner on Friday nights, and we always will. I continue to marvel at what an excellent man he is, and I continue to ask God to make me into a wife that always brings Henry joy and provides true help as a blessing to him.

It isn't a dramatic love story, and no movie executives are offering us a contract for it. In the eyes of the world, easing into love as we did is not nearly as exciting as falling in. But since God wrote our story, it's a pretty good one, and I'm anxious to see how the plot will continue to develop.

Happy Birthday, Henry!

Unbelievable--the new man in my life not only has one of those dreaded, close-to-Christmas birthdays, it is the day after my dad's. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure that it isn't forgotten in the Christmas rush. Henry's birthday is definitely a day of celebration. And so here it is--my first birthday tribute to my fiance. (I really love typing that!)

1. His passion for God. One of the first things I knew was true of Henry was his love for God and his faithfulness to Him. We've had great theology conversations, and we've also had very down-to-earth talks about what it has meant for us to live out our faith in our lives. I'm still lobbying to come to his men's- only Bible study on Romans, but I don't think he's going to cave on that one.

2. He's a gentleman. Move over, Mr. Darcy! I have Henry, who, in all of our time together so far, has never failed to open a door for me, who brings me flowers (usually roses) every week, and helps me with my coat. He has always treated me like a lady, which makes me want to always behave like one (a good thing).

3. His musical ability. Early on when Henry and I were dating, a mutual friend told me that Henry had a great tenor voice, and while I knew from our conversations that he loved singing, I never really had an opportunity to hear him sing until last spring when we attended a conference together. I heard this amazing tenor voice during the congregational singing, and I kept turning my head to see if I could figure out where it was coming from. And then I realized--it was coming from Henry, right next to me. And I look forward to a future of singing with him at home, in church, and in choirs. I love it that we share this.

4. His love for simple pleasures. Going for a walk, looking at the moon, sitting by the lake watching ducks, and insects--Henry finds all of God's creation genuinely exciting and fascinating, which makes it exciting and fascinating to be with him.

5. His sense of romance. You'll just have to take my word on this one.

6. His love for Katie and Jonathan. He talks art with Katie, and I think he's using The Dangerous Book for Boys as an outline to bring Jonathan up to speed in "guy activities." He really understands and enjoys kids, and my two have learned this and know that he's a special person.

7. His kindness. Earlier in our relationship, I invited Henry over one Sunday evening. He couldn't come because he was having tea with an older lady in his church. And a couple of weeks ago when church was cancelled on a Sunday morning, he had quite a time helping an elderly lady get a prescription she needed. He can frequently be found visiting his sick friends from church, and he calls to check on them. He changes my light bulbs, shovels my walks, and is probably the nicest person I have ever known.

8. His great sense of humor and his appreciation of sarcasm. It's an essential at our house--sarcasm is just part of the fabric of our home. And here Henry fits right in. And it makes me feel good to know I've said something he finds funny and he laughs. It's a great laugh.

9. His integrity. Every word and action is carefully thought through, so that every word and action is meaningful and can be trusted.

10. He loves me and has asked me to marry him and has given me the most gorgeous engagement ring in the world (see December 24 post).

I am so blessed to have this wonderful man in my life! Happy birthday!

Favorites of 2007-continued

This beautiful ring has quickly become one of my favorite things of 2007. It lives on my left hand. Henry put it there, and there it shall always stay.