Wedding Moments: The License

So many bloggable topics--the economy, politics, King David's wife Abigail (a future post)--but we just got the CD and rights to all of our wedding photos last week, so for me, this is definitely much more interesting than either the economy or politics and less time consuming than Abigail for now.

This is one of my favorite shots, because when I see it, all of the memories of that moment come back to me. I had come up with the brilliant idea of having our guests greet us out on the lawn of the church rather than have a traditional receiving line, and I had encouraged my wedding party and some of my guests that I knew well to head on over to the reception rather than stand around outside. But it ended up being a beautiful evening to be outside, so guests did linger.

After they had all headed over to the reception, someone reminded us that we needed to sign the license. Julie, my matron of honor, had already gone to the reception, but my minister, his wife, our best man, our photographer, and Henry and me, of course, remained behind to go into the council room and sign the license. While our guests were enjoying punch, fruit and vegetables, cheese and crackers, and, apparently, some of the warm food, we waited as my pastor's wife filled out--by hand--three copies of the marriage license, which Henry and I and our best man then signed.

We were excited, tired, hot, hungry, and giddy with happiness while we waited for Bev to finish writing. At one point, Henry reached over and grabbed my hand, and our photographer, Leda, quickly snapped this shot. Most of the pictures that feature my hands don't look very nice; we had just moved the week before, and my knuckles were scraped. This black and white shot doesn't show the scrapes, and it captures one of the happy moments of the day.

New Scenes from the Next Act

Scene 1: A mom, dad, and son are taking a walk through the neighborhood on a beautiful evening in late summer. The three clearly enjoy each others' company--talk, teasing, and laughter ring out in the crisp evening air. The question of speed arises; both the dad and the son want to increase the pace, while the mom lags behind at her leisure. The combination of teasing, laughter, and testosterone results in a foot race, with the dad and the son speeding down the street toward the corner at the end of the block, laughing all the way as they urge each other on. The two reach the corner and put their arms around each other in an embrace--father and son in a fellowship of maleness that the mom can only watch appreciatively from the wings, where she's actually happy to be.

Scene 2: Mom and Dad are working together in the home office, he at his desk and she at hers. It's dark now, well into the evening, and the mom realizes that the daughter, who just got her driver's license, should be home soon from Madrigals practice. Almost as soon as Mom has this realization--as she checks her watch--she hears Daughter come in from the garage; she runs up the stairs and bursts into the office. "You should see this piece of music! It's amazing! Have you ever sung this in choir?" Even though the mom has some past choir experience herself, she knows this question is not addressed to her; it is addressed to Dad, across the room. Mom looks over her shoulder as Daughter and Dad together look at the music. Dad recognizes the composer and pulls out a CD with a performance of that very piece. Mom joins the two--Dad and Daughter--yet remains in the wings as they listen together to the amazing piece of music.

Scene 3: Mom comes in from work. It's been a long day. Dad greets her at the door with a hug and kiss and then tells her the son's principal has called. It's only the second week of school, and already there has been an issue. Dad describes the conversation he had with the principal and then the subsequent conversation he has had with the son. He believes the son has heard and understood and will work on doing better. While the mom is concerned for her son--that he get off to a good start, that he behave in an appropriate way, that he make new friends in his new school--she is reassured that Dad has managed the problem well, that things will improve. And she realizes that all of this happened while she was offstage, unaware of the developing plot line, uninvolved in this particular scene at all.

Scene 4: For several days now, the mom has stood in the background--preparing dinner, doing dishes, taking care of the laundry--while Daughter and Dad have made plans for her driver's license test. Since Dad is available, he will take her to the appointment. Some time passes, and it is the day before the test; Mom hears Dad and Daughter making final arrangements: what time he will meet her at school, at which door he should pick her up, whether the non-functioning wiper on the rear window will disqualify her from her test. The next day arrives, and Mom realizes that at this moment, a short while before lunch, Daughter is taking her test with Dad seated in the backseat. Mom returns from lunch and opens an email from Dad, telling her that Daughter has, in fact, passed. Later Daughter tells her that when she learned that she passed, Dad gave her a hug, told her that she'd done a good job--"you know--the dad thing," she explains.

And while for most audiences, this doesn't sound like very exciting drama, this stuff of everyday life, these are the scenes that thrill a mom's heart. This mom, who has always been right at center stage, playing both Mom and Dad, now at times actually gets to observe, from the wings, the development of characters as they interact with one another, playing off one another's strengths, seeking to improve points of weakness. She happily relinquishes her role as Dad to one who isn't just playing one but one who is one, as though he had been all along, one who carries off his role seamlessly, with great skill. It's hard to remember a time when Dad wasn't part of the cast, even though he's only been introduced recently in this next act. And Mom enjoys having the scenes that have been played out in her absence reenacted, retold, relived. It's nice to know the plot can continue to unfold, even without her direct involvement. It is hard to always be "on," at center stage, in the heat of the spotlight. And while she would never give up her integral part in this sometimes drama, sometimes tragedy, often comedy, it is with great relief and with thankfulness to the Master Director of this story that Mom welcomes this new cast member, with all her heart, to this new act.

All the Days

You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well . . . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ~Psalm 139:13, 16

One of the issues that has come to the forefront since Sarah Palin's nomination is the huge percentage of Down syndrome children that are aborted. I read today the heartbreaking statistic that 90 percent are aborted. Of course Baby Trig Palin has shown the world how beautiful he is and how much his family--and all of us--would have missed had his parents made that awful choice.

But before Trig, I knew how beautiful Down syndrome children are because of Gavin. He was born with Down syndrome and serious heart defects. Since birth, he has had five surgeries, numerous hospitalizations for months at a time, and a stroke that has made his future development a big question mark for his family. His parents did not know before he was born that Gavin had Down syndrome, and I know that they are faithful Christians who would never have considered ending Gavin's life, but they have galliantly risen to this surprising challenge and cared for and loved him with faith in and thankfulness to God. They see Gavin as a blessing, in spite of the difficulties they have all faced in his little life.

Our church family has cheered as Gavin first simply lived. And from there we have rejoiced as the seizures that once frequently troubled him have stopped. He hasn't been hospitalized in nearly a year. And he has learned to smile. What a gift from God!

Gavin is two today, a birthday celebration his family hasn't always known they would be able to celebrate. So celebrate life; the unique way God creates each one of us; the ways He uses to teach us gratitude and love for one another; brave parents like Gavin's mom and dad and the Palins, who hold tightly to their little ones with one hand while clinging to God with the other; and celebrate Gavin and his smiles and the way God shows us His strength in our weakness. Happy birthday, Gavin!

And if you want to see just how cute Gavin is, and just how much progress he has made, check out his mom's photo show here.

Are We Feminists?

Lots of interesting discussions and even debates have emerged among Christians with Sarah Palin's nomination to the vice-presidency. It is difficult to not be engaged in the conversation, whether at church, the office, or my mom's birthday dinner celebration. But the tension that many conservative Christians are feeling over all of this was most clearly verbalized at a dinner party we attended Saturday evening with several couples from our church.

We had finished dinner, and our hostess asked if we would like to watch a Fox News special about Palin that was airing right then. We agreed that we would, and we gathered around the huge screen to see what new information we would learn about our heroine, Sarah. A little background on the couples: The hosts are two working professionals with no children; the wives of two of the couples are work-at-home, homeschooling moms with several children each whose husbands work outside the home; and us--with me holding down a full-time job outside our home, Henry expecting to do the same in the near future, and two teens.

Everyone in the party was expressing excitement and enthusiasm over Sarah, with her conservative, no-nonsense approach to politics. We watched the special, which gave background on Palin, her upbringing, her early experiences in politics, and her interactions with her family (the next installment Sunday night would cover everything up to the nomination). After the program was over, one of the work-at-home moms asked the big question: Have we become feminists? If the Democrats had nominated a mother of five with a special-needs child to be vice-president, would we be more critical?

And I'll answer as I did that night: I hope not. For me, a woman who works outside her home forty hours a week, it would be hypocritical to answer otherwise. And I suspect that the question really being asked is how can we be supportive--even enthusiastic--about a woman with young children at home, one of whom has special needs--who accepts such huge responsibilities that presumably take her out of the home for a number of hours of the day. Shouldn't women with children be working at home--regardless of circumstances? Isn't Palin's greatest responsibility--indeed, obligation--to be at home tending immediately to the needs of her husband and children?

These are the questions I had to deal with when I was, in a sense, forced out of my work-at-home role when, as a widow, I became the sole financial provider for our family. And I found a meaningful and, I believe, biblical answer to this problem when I read When Life and Beliefs Collide by Susan Custis James. Her understanding of roles for women is based on her study of the word used for helper in Genesis 2. The Hebrew word that is used, ezer, most frequently refers in the Old Testament to God, as the helper of his people. In some instances it refers specifically to women, and in some uses, it has a military connotation, which suggests that the type of helper here is extraordinarily strong, one who fights alongside.

James points out that the word used here is generic; it defies coming up with some kind of official list of specific responsilities for women. And while James acknowledges that tasks such as companion to a husband, childbearer, mother, homemaker, and supplementer of family income certainly are important responsibilities that fall under the idea of being a helper, the word actually refers to much more. If these were the only legitimate responsibilities for women, many women wouldn't be able to fulfill the calling of woman: single women, women who are unable to bear children, women who are disabled, women whose children have grown up and left the nest. The other thing that James observes about the Hebrew word for helper is that it is often associated with military might.

James comments, "Working [outside the home] women . . . are condemned for having skewed priorities, for having turned their backs on their home for selfishness and greed. Some have even blamed them for the moral decline of the country. Recently, an advertisement for a book on Christian parenting listed indicators that our culture has 'rejected biblical standards of morality.' It named 'working mothers' first on that list . . . Such statements devastate godly working mothers who . . . are pouring themselves out for the sake of their families. We forget that historically women have always worked alongside the men and that selfishness, greed, and poor parenting are pitfalls for either sex, no matter where we spend our time."

So I don't see myself as a feminist because I work outside my home and because I applaud Sarah Palin and hope that she will be this country's next vice-president. I would agree that in many instances, families are best served when mothers take seriously their tasks at home as wives and mothers and when their life circumstances allow them to serve in this way--but working at home doesn't guarantee a mother will do her job well any more than a mother working outside her home guarantees that she is neglecting her family. And even though the vast majority of this culture (even many Christians) would not understand this, I would not be supportive of Palin's (or any woman's) becoming an elder or deacon in her church. (That's a place where God has specifically spelled out roles and functions, and we must not play fast and free there.) But if Sarah Palin and her husband have agreed that they can together meet the needs of their children and she can serve her country in this way with the obviously extraordinary talents, abilities, and qualities that God has blessed her with, then who are we to question? We Christians must be on guard not to create moral tensions that don't exist. We can be wholeheartedly thankful that God is still calling people like Sarah Palin to serve her country with integrity and strength without feeling like we are compromising moral principle.

On the Sarah Bandwagon

John McCain has accomplished something that I didn't thing anyone could do--especially John McCain. I am now interested in election '08. In fact, I rushed to the DMV after work today to make sure my address/name are legally changed so that I can vote--something I wasn't sure I would do before last Friday. I am on the Sarah bandwagon, and I've strapped myself in for what looks to be an exciting ride.

I've never been one with more than a passing interest in politics. This campaign, in particular, more than bored me; it disgusted me. It represented everything that is wrong with American politics. An inexperienced, liberal, seemingly charismatic personality to everyone but me rises to the fore, is lauded as America's messiah, and everyone loves him because . . . I'm not sure why. And that's what I dislike especially--the complete lack of substance represented by a candidate that offers "hope for change." It's become a phrase of mockery at our house. And that was the best thing to come out of the campaign of '08 to this point: the frequent "hope for change" jokes that brought laughter to many an evening meal.

And now . . . the campaign is alive with the sounds of Sarah! She's everything I like, this great combination of Old Testament Deborah, New Testament Lydia, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Annie Oakley, Sacajawea, Margaret Thatcher, and Jody Grosh (my favorite literature/writing professor of all time and the smartest woman I've ever known)--all rolled into one. I want to go out to lunch with her and nod sympathetically while she tells me about her woes with her daughter and smile encouragingly when she talks about little Trig. I want to go shoe shopping with her. I want to suggest that she do something different with her hair (if she asks what I think). I want to giggle with her over a glass of Toasted Head Chardonnay.

I love it that she's a smart, politically savvy woman who is good at what she does and is a wife and mom at the same time who dresses well. I love it that I know where she stands. Less than a week after her nomination, I know that she's pro-life, pro-gun rights, and hates goverment corruption and waste. And not only do I know this is true because she says so, but because she lives and works so. I'm not sure that I can say the same for any of the other candidates.

Very little shocks me anymore, (im)morally speaking, but these situations have shocked me: a president impeached for perjury and who carries on an affair with an intern in the Oval Office; a political candidate with a wife with terminal cancer who carries on an affair with a staff member and denies it, even when he is caught on videotape and a media who helps him cover up the situation for a long time (longer than Bristol has even been pregnant); a representative who hired a male prostitute who ran a prostitution service from the representative's residence; a senator who leaves the scene of an accident without reporting it early in his career and then testifies in defense of a nephew accused of rape, using his name and political clout to win over a jury later in his career. What's even more shocking to me than these things happening is that the perpetrators continue to hold political office in most cases (obviously voted in by the American people) and in all cases have the respect and adoration of their political party.

And I'm also shocked at the hypocrisy of a media that would not cry out for an end to these political figures' careers but would want us to discount a political candidate whose 17-year-old daughter is pregnant out of wedlock, but is doing the right thing--especially when our culture doesn't even blink at unmarried women having babies in most cases; at a twenty-year-old DUI conviction that apparently hasn't been repeated, especially when the abovementioned scandals seem to be forgotten; and at allegations of using political power to bring about a firing that have yet to be proven. If this is all that can be turned up, I'm going to pull that seatbelt even tighter.

I'm thankful that there are people in politics who respect God and His Word, people of principle. And that's what most excites me about Sarah. The possibility that in this dark, bleak time that God would still provide leaders like her, certainly with imperfections and flaws, but with a desire to trust in the Messiah rather than be one. Perhaps this is the most delightful shock of all.