Keeping Romance Alive

The calendar and Hallmark tell us Valentine's Day is just around the corner (this weekend, in fact), and I find that now that I'm married, Valentine's Day just isn't nearly as exciting as I thought that it might be when I didn't have a valentine to celebrate with. But I must explain: Henry and I celebrate Valentine's Day in a sense every week, so it's hard to imagine what we'd do differently from what we do every week on date night.

The people who know us well know that most Friday nights for Henry and me are date night, a feature of our courtship that I insisted must be carried over into our marriage. There isn't anything especially novel or radical about date night, but I think that it was key to our pre-marriage romance, and it certainly is an important element for us now.

When Henry and I were dating, we reserved Friday nights for each other. He would choose a restaurant, come pick me up and bring me flowers, and then we would have a lovely dinner with conversation. After we'd been dating for awhile, we'd go back to my house and have coffee and a special dessert that I picked up at a bakery. That was date night. And date night now looks very similar. He doesn't buy me roses every week (people ask if he still does), but often the roses he buys last more than one week, and he knows how they're looking now when Friday night rolls around. And when we were dating, the bouquets were a nice reminder throughout the week of Henry. Now I have him throughout the week, which is much better than roses.

Anyway, we still go out most weeks (unless something else comes up), and he still suggests the restaurant. (These days I feel a little freer to suggest an alternative, but many times when I arrive at home and he makes his suggestion, it's often a restaurant I was thinking of.) I usually stop at a bakery on the way home from work and get some dessert. After dinner, we come home and have coffee and dessert and watch a movie that we've gotten from Netflix. And that's date night.

It's not date night, per se, that is such a unique idea. What is important is that we've set this evening aside for each other, and it's something we look forward to all week. And it truly keeps romance alive. And so on this Valentine's Day, I'd advise every married couple to adopt some form of date night and make it a regular part of your lives. Date night will look differently from couple to couple based on interests and circumstances. Couples with young children who don't have a lot of extra cash for babysitters and nice restaurants might have to adapt date night to their situation at this season in their lives. Maybe it just means having a glass of wine or a dessert and watching a movie at home after the kids have gone to bed. It may require some creativity and planning, but it will be worth the effort.

Here are some suggestions for date nights from an article in Christianity Today:

1. Take in a local concert or theater production. We've really enjoyed some productions at local community theaters, and they don't charge as much. One of our favorite local theaters where we've seen some great performances is Master Arts.

2. Read a book of short stories aloud to each other. Or anything that interests you as a couple. Read a novel together. The point is that you're sharing time doing something you both enjoy.

3. If you have children, ask them to plan your date! But don't be surprised if you find yourself at Chuck E Cheese.

4. Make it a three-course progressive dinner. Have an appetizer at one restaurant, main course at another, and dessert at another. Would require lots of time and money.

5. Give an encore performance. Do something that you did on a date before you were married that you really enjoyed, or take up an activity that you enjoyed before you were married that you aren't doing now.

6. People watch. It costs nothing. And Henry and I have had some of our best times making up stories about the people we see when we're out.

7. Just go for a drive together. With no destination in mind.

So this year, commit yourself to celebrating Valentine's Day every week rather than once a year on February 14. Valentine's Day won't be nearly as special when it rolls around, but that's because every week will be special.