You are invited . . .

1st Annual Conference on How to Be Friendly at Church

Do you find yourself talking to the same people every week at church? Are there people on the other side of the fellowship hall that you see every week, but you don't know their names? Do you avoid making eye contact with strangers so you don't have to greet them? Do you often tell yourself that friendliness is not your spiritual gift, this is just how you are, and you can't be expected to greet people at church? Register for the first annual conference on how to be friendly at church, location to be determined, but probably not at your local conservative Reformed church. Join us in the following sessions:

1. You Are Your Brother's Keeper: In this session you will learn that you are responsible for other members of the church body, even if they are older/younger than you; their children attend a different school from yours (or are or are not homeschooled); their marital status is different from yours; they are not blood relatives; they did not attend high school and/or college with you; they have an ethnic background different from yours. Our speaker will remind you that, yes, you need to be friends with and show an interest in everybody in the church, not just the people you feel most comfortable with.

2. Will the Circle Be Unbroken? Our expert will say, "I hope not!" She will remind you that the circle needs to be broken to allow others in. She will cover topics like how to watch for people who are standing in a corner by themselves; how to welcome them into the circle and make them feel wanted there; how to choose conversation topics that will be of interest to people who weren't at the get-together at your house last night; and how to change that circle into an ellipse so you can actually get more people in.

3. Strangers in the Night (or in the Morning Service Too): Learn how to watch for visitors to your church and make sure that even if no one else greets them, you will. Participants will set goals to become the fastest, most determined, genuinely most concerned and compassionate member in reaching out to newcomers. You will learn skills like showing new parents where the nursery and bathrooms are, inviting guests who are alone to sit with you, and helping those who are unchurched with Bibles and Psalter Hymnals. 

4. Into the Woods: Attendees visiting this session must have a signed note from a physician indicating they are in good health. This rigorous two-hour experience will take you into uncharted territory, where you will learn how to talk to and fellowship with people with whom you have never spoken. In fact, during the session you will be placed in a situation where you must communicate with a person who has only the bonds of Christ in common with you. For example, if you are a young mom, you may be placed with an elderly widow. A teen who attends may be placed with an elderly man. A homeschooling parent may have to communicate with a parent whose child attends Christian school. If you are married, you'll be talking to a single. This session is not for the faint of heart, and we recommend that you complete session # 1 before attending this one.

5. Hospitality 101: Again, this session is for those eager for a challenge. Learn how to invite people other than your best friends and family into your home for dinner or dessert. Increase your sensitivity levels so that you learn to determine which members of the church could benefit from a meal, a greeting card, or an encouraging phone call. Learn how social interaction outside of church can build stronger ties in the church.

Please make your reservation as soon as possible, but because this topic is not of great interest to very many, we expect that there will be plenty of room. There is no charge for attending. Bring your best friend, your cousin, the person who was your friend in the last church you were a member of--you know, one of the four to five people you always talk to at church.

  

The Souls of Women

I'm currently editing a book of historic Reformed confessions, and this comes from an eastern Hungarian confession from 1567:

First, women have souls, for these reasons: First, because they originated from an intelligent human being, they are people; therefore, they have souls (Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 6–7).

            Second, the elect and justified believe, are converted, and will be raised; whoever has a soul like the wise virgins believes, is converted and justified, will be raised and go into eternal life. Therefore, women have souls.

            Third, a woman gave birth to Christ, and women give birth to sensate humans with souls and bodies. Of whatever kind of being the son, race, or seed, such is its son or fruit. If the sons are sensate beings, so too is the mother who bore them (1 Cor. 6; 15; Luke 1; Phil. 3; Gal. 4–5; 1 Tim. 2).

            Fourth, Mary the mother of Jesus and other holy women sing: “My sensate spirit exalts the Lord: and my new and life-giving spirit rejoices in my redeeming God” (cf. Luke 1:46; Ex. 15). Therefore, they have sensate and new souls.

            Fifth, Christ restored to life the daughter of the chief priest and master of the Jews’ assembly and said that the girl’s soul had returned when He did so (Luke 8:55).

While I'm not a feminist by any means, I do have to say that we've come a long way, ladies. Phew!

Unpacking Forgiveness: A Book Review

If you live in this world, it's a given that at some point, you will offend someone else. The other reality that is much more obvious to us is that if we live in this world, someone else will offend us. Recent events around me have reminded me just how critical it is that we continue to grapple with this great challenge of repentance when we have offended and forgiveness when we have been offended. I'm an observer of one whose life is crumbling around her because she will not forgive wrongs--real and perceived--that have been committed against her in the past. And I'm watching as a church self-destructs because its members have so little understanding of these two most important things. Jesus teaches us to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors," and the health of our Christian lives certainly depends on our genuineness as we pray this and implement it in our lives.

So if there is anyone out there who is still looking for a New Year's resolution, I have a suggestion, and it's a relatively easy one to accomplish: read Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds by Chris Brauns. I used to work in a Christian bookstore, and I can tell you from experience that there is no shortage of books by Christians on this subject. But Brauns sets his book apart from others early on when he points out the truth that our definition of forgiveness must be based on how God defines it: "The first thing to do in developing an understanding of how we should forgive one another is to understand how God forgives us. This simplifies defining forgiveness because the Bible says far more about how God forgives people than it does about how people should forgive people."

Brauns describes the characteristics of God's forgiveness: it is gracious but not free; it is conditional, in that only those who repent and believe are saved; it is a commitment by God to those he forgives; it lays the groundwork for and begins the process of reconciliation; it does not mean the elimination of all consequences. The rest of the book "unpacks" this definition as Brauns writes with pastoral empathy, great clarity, winsomeness, and, at times, with humor. He contrasts his own understanding of forgiveness with the idea of therapeutic forgiveness, a concept introduced by author Lewis Smedes. For Smedes, forgiveness means letting go of anger and bitterness over a real or perceived offense. Brauns points out the flaws in this view that is widely held by many Christians.

One of the points Brauns drives home that made an impression with me is the urgency of reconciling with those who have offended us. He spends several chapters explaining Matthew 18, a key chapter that addresses how Christians should be reconciled when a relationship has been broken. He gives the example of two women who have been friends for years. One becomes angry at the other when she learns she has been talking about her behind her back. The one who has been offended approaches the other, who refuses to apologize. The offended friend then takes her case to an elder in her church, who counsels her to just let it go. The author then asks readers what the offended friend should do and gives these options: go to her house and hug her; write a loving note but give her friend some space; keep her distance and not communicate at all; or other.

After setting this scenario, though, Brauns continues with the anecdote. The offended friend learns that the only daughter of the friend who has offended has been tragically killed in a car accident. Brauns asks readers what the offended friend should do, giving the previous options. He explains that most people answer that she should go to her sorrowing friend and hug her, without delay. He concludes:

"The point from Matthew 18 is that [the offended friend] should have had that same level of urgency before the tragedy. . . .  She should have gone to [her friend] and hugged her in the first place. Christians should urgently pursue conflict resolution all the time."

Brauns also provides practical wisdom on matters such as what to do when someone is unrepentant, how to combat bitterness, how to stop thinking about a hurtful situation, and what to do when we just can't agree.

Unpacking Forgiveness is available at many booksellers, but my favorite one is right here.