It's All about the Bridegroom

I've  been thinking a lot about weddings lately--probably because in less than a month, our family will be experiencing one. It's interesting that when you're planning your own--as I was a little more than four years ago--there isn't a lot of time for deep reflection. But when you're not at the center of it--when you're watching from the sidelines--you start asking the questions that you probably should have been asking when it was your turn: What's actually happening here? What should be my priority as I spend thousands of dollars on one day of my life? Should I be spending thousands of dollars on one day of my life? What should we be communicating to the people we invite to celebrate this great occasion with us?

Instead, we get caught up in questions like these: What color palette should I choose? Can I afford the reception venue of my dreams? If I choose the reception venue of my dreams, what can I cut from the budget that will be less important to me? Should I use fresh flowers or artificial? Rent tuxes or purchase suits? Buffet style or a plated meal? If I invite this person, then will I have to invite that one lest he/she be offended? Unity candle or colored sand?

And in this Facebook age, when people are members of a social network of millions and we easily get lost because the next person has better vacations, a more exciting life, and more friends than we have, how far do we have to go to make our wedding stand out? What can we do that will make people sit up, take notice, and tell their coworkers on Monday, "I was at this wedding on Saturday, and do you know what they did? I've never seen that before." Planning a wedding has become a complicated thing.

Probably one of the most famous weddings ever is recorded in John 2. Clearly the people who lived at the time of Jesus (and earlier) made a big deal of weddings--probably more so than we do today. They lasted for days. It may be that they had a better understanding than we do of how important weddings were to God. One of the very first things that happens in the Bible is a wedding. And we know today that the last thing that happens in the Bible is a wedding. God is definitely interested in weddings.

And so in John 2, Jesus is on one of his early outings with his newly recruited disciples. Some think that perhaps the bride or groom was related to Mary, Jesus' mother, because when there's a problem--and it's a huge, embarrassing one--she seems to feel responsible to find a solution. The problem is that somehow the wine runs out. And that was disastrous. Mary, knowing something of her unique son's capabilities, asks him to do something about it, so reluctantly he does. He instructs the servants to fill six twenty- to thirty-gallon jars with water. Then, at Jesus' instruction, the servants draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet. The master of the banquet is surprised. Usually the finest wine is served first, and then, after everyone has had too much to drink, they serve whatever is left. No one cares any more about the quality of the wine. But this bridegroom breaks with tradition and saves the best for last.

Of course it's the best wine because Jesus created it. And we could look at that and say, "See, Jesus knows the value of a good party! He wanted everyone to keep on having a good time. He wanted them to have excellent wine! We should have excellent wine at our wedding too. We should spend thousands on a reception hall and the best food, drink, and music. Jesus set the pattern at that wedding in Cana of Galilee."

I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't have wonderful, memorable celebrations when we get married. We like to say that the wedding day is all about the bride, that it's a special day full of romance and joy that we'll never forget, a day when all eyes are on a couple who are just setting out on a great adventure. It's all about them. But if we really understand what is happening in Cana, we'll see that the point is this: weddings are all about Jesus. What Jesus was showing the people who were celebrating at Cana was that he--and only he--provides the fullness of joy that we need. He gives the best wine--he is the best wine--and he gives an abundance far beyond what we could ever ask for or imagine. The focus of any wedding should be him.

Our marriages are a picture of that great marriage that will one day take place--the one at the end of the Bible. They should point to that day, even as we celebrate the gift of marriage that God gives us here on the earth. It's a solemn thing when a man says, "I will love you like Christ loves his church and gave himself for it for the rest of my life," and a woman says, "I will submit to you as the church submits to Christ for the rest of my life on earth." There really isn't much place for silly fashions, silly behaviors, and silly breaks with tradition.

Keeping that in mind helps us keep weddings and wedding celebrations in perspective. When our first goal as a Christian couple is to show a picture of Jesus Christ and his love for his church, suddenly things fall into place. Brides aren't as eager to do something "unique" like pair formal wear with tennis shoes, wear cowboy boots, have a dance party up the aisle, or find the most elaborate reception venue possible. Because even though it's our special day, we want the focus to be on that greatest of Bridegrooms, the one who provides joy and celebration that no amount of money can purchase. And we want people to come to our wedding and say, "Mostly, I saw Jesus there. But the bride was beautiful, and the food at the wedding was delicious."