Wild

At age 26, Cheryl Strayed was a mess. Four years earlier, her 45-year-old mother had died quite suddenly of lung cancer (seven weeks after being diagnosed), and Cheryl's grief had sent her spiraling downward. She had married at 19, and  in her despair, she turned to extramarital sex and heroin, hoping to numb the pain. Eventually, she and her husband divorced. She ended up aborting a child she conceived as a result of a sexual encounter. In the wake of Cheryl's mother's death, her family, which consisted of her stepdad, brother, and sister, disintegrated. She had bottomed out.

Having never hiked in her life, the answer for her was to hike the grueling, physically demanding Pacific Crest Trail, which started, for her, in southern California and ended at the Bridge of the Gods, near Portland, Oregon. So in 1994, Cheryl, completely inexperienced and unprepared for what she would face, set out to cover 1100 miles in 94 days--alone. Wild is her account of her life before and during her PCT hike.

Interestingly, I found Cheryl's story to be an anti-Pilgrim's Progress. Both Cheryl and Christian (of Pilgrim's Progress) begin their journeys in the City of Destruction. Both carry heavy burdens on their backs. Cheryl carries her backpack, which she names Monster, filled with some things she needs and many things she doesn't. When she begins her journey, she can barely lift it, and eventually a more seasoned hiker she meets along the way forces her to get rid of the things she doesn't need, including a huge pack of condoms. Both Cheryl and Christian are in need of salvation, and while Christian finds it at the cross, where his burden falls off his back and rolls down to the bottom of the hill, Cheryl seeks it in herself, in confronting her rage at her mother's death and pushing herself physically to make it through rigorous terrain, rain, snow, heat, past bears, charging bulls, ants, snakes, and even a couple scary humans.

But at the end of her journey, Cheryl still carries Monster on her back. It's lighter, and she's stronger, but, nonetheless, Monster is still there. One reviewer noted that while Cheryl seems to feel remorse for her actions, she never really is sorry for the terrible things she's done. In her own words:

"What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to **** every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?” 

Ultimately, Christian arrives at the Celestial City, the dwelling place of God, and Cheryl arrives at the Bridge of the Gods, which spans the Columbia River near Portland, Oregon. Eventually she remarries, has two children, becomes a bestselling author, and writes an advice column called "Dear Sugar." Cheryl chose the last name "Strayed" at the time of her divorce because she says that its definitions fit her life: to move about aimlessly in search of something, to wander from the proper path. Unlike Christian, who follows a path that leads him to salvation in Christ, Cheryl moves aimlessly in search of something and thinks she finds salvation in herself. And yet, how can the problem (herself) possibly be the solution at the same time?

It's an interesting read in many ways. Strayed writes beautifully about her life on the trail, the wonderful things she sees, the people she meets, and the way she copes with the challenges of living in the wilderness. Her story is adventurous and fascinating. The account of  a gratuitous sexual encounter she has on the trail (Strayed seems fairly sex obsessed) disappointed me because I thought this was a serious account of a person's earnest search for peace and meaning. Including this incident in the book made me think that the author was anticipating a movie deal. And so she now has one. While I marveled at the author's perseverance and courage, I felt a sense of sadness at the end of the book that this journey had not led her to the answers to grief and despair that would set her on a proper path and bring an end to her aimless wandering.