When They're Down Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about our duty to reach out to others when they're going through a time of pain. We tend to think in terms of whether we should help someone or not when, in fact, it really isn't an option for us as believers. In 2 Corinthians 1:4, Paul tells us that God comforts us in all of our troubles so that in turn we can comfort others who are in trouble. Sometimes we persuade ourselves that our help isn't necessary--maybe the sufferer has a supportive family or maybe we assume that there really isn't anything that we can do, and there are probably others who will pick up the slack.

But if we were all soldiers fighting a literal war and one of our comrades was injured, we wouldn't stop to say, "Do you need help?" If we were passing by and saw someone bleeding, we (hopefully) wouldn't keep on going because we figured the next person who came by would take care of the situation. We need to feel that same sense of obligation for those going through life's injuries.

Do you know anyone experiencing the following:

Death of spouse

Death of close family member

Divorce

Marital separation

Jail term of close family member

Personal injury or illness

Loss of job due to termination

Change in financial state

If you do, then you know someone who needs help. These circumstances are among the most stressful life events that a person can experience. So the question isn't whether people in one of these situations needs help--they do; rather, the question is what position are you in to offer assistance. What can you do?

Assistance is as individual as the need. We need to be creative about helping others. Put yourself in their position, as best you can, and think about what you might need in that situation. Ask that person how he or she is doing and really listen. As you pay attention, you may get an idea of how you can help. Above all, don't just say, "Let me know if you need help." Simply saying that doesn't mean you've now done your duty. People who need help don't know what you are willing and able to do. And sometimes they're too emotionally weak to even ask for help or know what they need until you suggest it. Open-ended offers are no offers at all.

Here are some of the creative ways that people are helping others:

~Henry and I were recently visiting with an elderly couple. The husband is terminally ill and is so weak he is barely able to talk any more. The wife was telling us that a young couple--fairly new to our church--was asking them  if they could be of help in any way. The incident occurred earlier this fall, so the younger man asked if he and his wife could come rake their leaves. And with gratitude, the older couple accepted their offer. I love how the younger man made his offer real by stating something specific.

~A family in our church has had a very difficult year. The problems of job loss were compounded when our friend fell and shattered his elbow. The family heats their house with a wood furnace, and winter is upon us. On two Saturdays, members of the youth group and their leader cut wood, and this past Saturday a group of men got them well stocked so that they will be able to get through most of the winter now.

~A friend with a large family has had to take on a part-time job to make ends meet while her husband is out of work.  One day another woman from our church just showed up at her door with lasagna and bread for the family's dinner. Note--she just took action and didn't even ask my friend if she needed help or would like a meal.

 ~After my first husband died, I was single parenting two small children. Our pastor and his wife set aside an afternoon a week to take care of my kids so that I could run errands, get groceries--do things I needed to do child-free.

 ~Before I was married to Henry and while the kids and I were at our previous church, a deacon called me to see if we had any needs. I explained that we really had no financial needs at that point but that I would appreciate it if the deacons could find a young man who would like to be a "big brother" to Jonathan--do "guy" things with him. I would be happy to pay Jonathan's way if someone would spend time with him. And the deacons sent us Tom, who did just that for several years until he got married, had children, and became a deacon himself.

 There are other ways we can help:

For those in financial need--gift cards to grocery stores, for gas, cash gifts. As one who has been both the recipient and the giver of these kinds of gifts, I prefer anonymity. It can be awkward to receive the charity of another, and, as a giver, I'd like to think the receiver is thanking God for what I've given rather than me.

For those who have just lost spouses, especially the elderly--invite them to your house for a meal. It can be so very lonely; companionship may be the best thing you can offer. And don't feel that it's necessary to serve an elaborate meal or offer riveting entertainment. That lonely person will be happy just to be able to eat with other people and have someone to talk to. For widows--does she need help with home maintenance, car maintenance, financial concerns?

Can you help a single parent or a family struggling with illness by offering child care?

If you know of someone who is out of work, watch for openings at your company and let him or her know if a job is available. Do you have any home maintenance projects that you could hire an unemployed person to do?

The possibilities are as numerous and various as the problems that people have. I know I will never forget some of the kindnesses that have been shown to me and Katie and Jonathan during the difficult times. While we may not be able to solve others' problems, we can and must do something to help carry the burden. We mustn't kick people when they're down with our own indifference. And that leads us to my next post where I will describe some of the ways we actually hurt people who are down by our attitudes and actions.

But before that, if you have any creative suggestions for how we can help one another or special ways someone has helped you, please put them in the comments.