I've been thinking about the past a lot this week--and it's a good thing. Sometimes it just seems like a series of events and people from the past visit our present--all at once--and we can't help but reflect. And maybe it's the time of year; April 10 is the anniversary of Jon's death. And while I don't dwell on that date anymore, I think it's still there, among my memories, even though I'm not consciously focused on it.
So last night I was having a lovely evening with a favorite friend, and I was telling him about some of the blasts from the past that I had experienced this week, which led to a conversation about some of the hard things that I've had to deal with: the death of my sister and husband, an ugly church split, trying to find a new church home with a four-year-old and two-year-old in tow, and particularly the sense of isolation I had felt through it all, the sad reality that I really didn't have many friends through much of it.
And then I realized that I had something new to bring to the story--the happy reality that God had preserved me through it all (great is His faithfulness), that we now are members of a wonderful church and hear the faithful preaching of the gospel every week, and--for this "social butterfly"--the blessing of many treasured friends. And those blasts aren't really blasts at all--just tiny pops that remind me of a rough patch on an otherwise joyful journey.
3/31/07
3/29/07
What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?
It's an interesting place to be--this singleness as an adult. Especially as an adult with children. And so whenever the subject of dating comes up in a newsletter, a new book, in an article, or just in daily conversation, I'm interested. I'm also interested because I have a fifteen-year-old girl who thinks it sounds like a fun thing to do, but I haven't really had to deal with dating as a parent--only as a single woman trying to find her way.
It's not an easy thing to master--this dating thing. Conducted unwisely or carelessly, it results in far more pain than pleasure. And I've often thought that there must be a better way. So an article that I found today at www.Boundless.org shares some of the conclusions that I have drawn based on good and bad experiences, a lot of thinking, and a lot of reflection on just how God does want us to conduct ourselves with members of the opposite sex when we aren't married. The article, "What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?" by Scott Croft, an elder at the Capitol Hill Baptist Church, contrasts the differences between courtship and dating.
Croft defines courtship and dating, and then he discusses three broad differences beween what he calls biblical courtship and modern dating. Courtship, he says, begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father (or appropriate authority) and then conducts the relationship with the woman under that authority. Courtship has marriage as its goal. Dating, on the other hand, begins when either a man or woman initiates a relationship, with more-than-friends as the goal. The relationship is conducted outside of any authority. It may or may not have marriage as a goal.
First, Croft sees a difference in motive. The motive behind courtship is to find a spouse. A man initiates a relationship with a woman because he believes it is possible he will marry her; the courtship is to determine whether that belief is correct. Dating, on the other hand, may not (and often doesn't) have marriage as a goal at all. Recreation and fun are often the motivation. So in modern dating, the more experience a person gathers is good, because by trial and error we discover the spouse who is right for us. In this approach, people often become physically and emotionally intimate with many people before settling down with one. Croft, who teaches on this subject in his church, advises singles that if they cannot see themselves happily married in less than one year, then they are not ready to date. (And while I agree that a prolonged process is certainly not ideal, I'd be reluctant to be so assertive with a time line such as "less than a year." But I think his point may be the one I've made with my daughter, that dating is for those who are prepared to be married within a reasonable amount of time.)
The second contrast Croft draws is in mindset. Modern dating is selfish in nature--the whole process is about me. People approach members of the opposite sex asking, "Will this person make me happy? Have I done as well as I can do--or might someone better come along? What is the chemistry between us like?" Of course the biblical motivation for marriage calls for sacrifice (cf. Philippians 2:3, Ephesians 5:25). A man should be looking for a godly woman as defined by Scripture, one that he loves and is attracted to, but instead of asking, "How can I find the one for me?" he should be asking, "How can I be the one for her?"
Croft's third contrast is concerned with method, and he sums it up this way: In dating, intimacy precedes commitment; in courtship, commitment precedes intimacy. He addresses both emotional and physical intimacy here. In modern dating, he sees couples acting like they are married to see if, in fact, they want to commit to marriage. They share their deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, spend lots of time alone together, and become physically intimate. If it all works well, the couple gets married. But if it doesn't work out, the couple breaks up. And there can be several broken relationships before a person arrives at a lasting one. The goal with dating is to gather as much information and experience with a person as possible to ensure the right decision is being made. But this implies a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. And much damage is done and many are deeply hurt by this type of relationship.
With a courtship, commitment precedes intimacy. In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, Paul tells Timothy to treat younger women as sisters, with all purity. In this model, the goal of spending time together is to get to know one another so that the couple can make a wise decision regarding marriage, and conversation topics and activities should all have this in view. In relating to one another before marriage, men should not treat women as though they are their wives, physically or emotionally. The end result of this type of relationship is that women are treated with respect and are honored, even as they are being pursued.
Most of us date as young people who have much to learn. We often make mistakes as we grow into our adult lives and take more and more responsibility for decision making from our parents. There is a greater cost to some mistakes than others, and probably the costliest mistakes of all occur in our relationships with members of the opposite sex.
I've been in the unique position of being an adult navigating the dating world, and at one time, I believed that the modern approach to dating was the only way--a "necessary evil" for those who hoped to be married. I was aware that a few lonely voices were crying out that the courtship model was the way to go, but it sounded old-fashioned and silly to me--way beyond what was required. And having experienced both the modern dating approach and the courtship approach, I have to say that I've found courtship to be wiser and more meaningful than any dating relationship I have ever experienced. It's the way I'll be encouraging both my children to take, and hopefully there will be other parents out there who will be encouraging their children in that same way.
It's not an easy thing to master--this dating thing. Conducted unwisely or carelessly, it results in far more pain than pleasure. And I've often thought that there must be a better way. So an article that I found today at www.Boundless.org shares some of the conclusions that I have drawn based on good and bad experiences, a lot of thinking, and a lot of reflection on just how God does want us to conduct ourselves with members of the opposite sex when we aren't married. The article, "What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?" by Scott Croft, an elder at the Capitol Hill Baptist Church, contrasts the differences between courtship and dating.
Croft defines courtship and dating, and then he discusses three broad differences beween what he calls biblical courtship and modern dating. Courtship, he says, begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father (or appropriate authority) and then conducts the relationship with the woman under that authority. Courtship has marriage as its goal. Dating, on the other hand, begins when either a man or woman initiates a relationship, with more-than-friends as the goal. The relationship is conducted outside of any authority. It may or may not have marriage as a goal.
First, Croft sees a difference in motive. The motive behind courtship is to find a spouse. A man initiates a relationship with a woman because he believes it is possible he will marry her; the courtship is to determine whether that belief is correct. Dating, on the other hand, may not (and often doesn't) have marriage as a goal at all. Recreation and fun are often the motivation. So in modern dating, the more experience a person gathers is good, because by trial and error we discover the spouse who is right for us. In this approach, people often become physically and emotionally intimate with many people before settling down with one. Croft, who teaches on this subject in his church, advises singles that if they cannot see themselves happily married in less than one year, then they are not ready to date. (And while I agree that a prolonged process is certainly not ideal, I'd be reluctant to be so assertive with a time line such as "less than a year." But I think his point may be the one I've made with my daughter, that dating is for those who are prepared to be married within a reasonable amount of time.)
The second contrast Croft draws is in mindset. Modern dating is selfish in nature--the whole process is about me. People approach members of the opposite sex asking, "Will this person make me happy? Have I done as well as I can do--or might someone better come along? What is the chemistry between us like?" Of course the biblical motivation for marriage calls for sacrifice (cf. Philippians 2:3, Ephesians 5:25). A man should be looking for a godly woman as defined by Scripture, one that he loves and is attracted to, but instead of asking, "How can I find the one for me?" he should be asking, "How can I be the one for her?"
Croft's third contrast is concerned with method, and he sums it up this way: In dating, intimacy precedes commitment; in courtship, commitment precedes intimacy. He addresses both emotional and physical intimacy here. In modern dating, he sees couples acting like they are married to see if, in fact, they want to commit to marriage. They share their deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, spend lots of time alone together, and become physically intimate. If it all works well, the couple gets married. But if it doesn't work out, the couple breaks up. And there can be several broken relationships before a person arrives at a lasting one. The goal with dating is to gather as much information and experience with a person as possible to ensure the right decision is being made. But this implies a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. And much damage is done and many are deeply hurt by this type of relationship.
With a courtship, commitment precedes intimacy. In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, Paul tells Timothy to treat younger women as sisters, with all purity. In this model, the goal of spending time together is to get to know one another so that the couple can make a wise decision regarding marriage, and conversation topics and activities should all have this in view. In relating to one another before marriage, men should not treat women as though they are their wives, physically or emotionally. The end result of this type of relationship is that women are treated with respect and are honored, even as they are being pursued.
Most of us date as young people who have much to learn. We often make mistakes as we grow into our adult lives and take more and more responsibility for decision making from our parents. There is a greater cost to some mistakes than others, and probably the costliest mistakes of all occur in our relationships with members of the opposite sex.
I've been in the unique position of being an adult navigating the dating world, and at one time, I believed that the modern approach to dating was the only way--a "necessary evil" for those who hoped to be married. I was aware that a few lonely voices were crying out that the courtship model was the way to go, but it sounded old-fashioned and silly to me--way beyond what was required. And having experienced both the modern dating approach and the courtship approach, I have to say that I've found courtship to be wiser and more meaningful than any dating relationship I have ever experienced. It's the way I'll be encouraging both my children to take, and hopefully there will be other parents out there who will be encouraging their children in that same way.
3/27/07
Not So Great Hymns of the Faith: "He Lives"
It was suggested that I take a look at this hymn for my series, "Not So Great Hymns of the Faith," and it actually does share a theme with last week's selection, "In the Garden." There is also a kind of inverse correspondence between this hymn and the sermon for Sunday, March 25.
So for those of you who may be wondering if you missed something somewhere, I explained the rationale for my selections for the "Not So Great Hymns of the Faith" in the March 19, 2007, posting. But as a reminder, my comments are concerned with whether these songs are the best choices for corporate worship. They may be expressive of truth, they may be beautifully penned, they may be meaningful in the appropriate setting; the question is, Are these the best choices for a worship service where we are to be focused on honoring our God?
As I consider the lyrics to both "In the Garden" and "He Lives," I am reminded, oddly enough, of my Introduction to Philosophy class at Cedarville College (now University), and our beloved philosophy professor, Mr. (now Dr.) Grier. We were in awe of this Calvinist-teacher-in-a-Baptist-college who had studied at Westminster Seminary under teachers like Van Til, Murray, and Young. To say that we admired and respected our Mr. Grier is an understatement. So I will never forget the lecture on epistemology in which Mr. Grier told us about his favorite hymn. When Mr. Grier asked, "Do you know what my favorite hymn is," I was on the edge of my seat. I just knew he was going to name some glorious Reformation anthem that could be found in the Trinity Hymnal or some Psalter somewhere. But his answer was completely unexpected: "Jesus Loves Me." What? That's a Sunday school song; that's the first song a child learns as soon as he or she is capable of talking. But the explanation was powerful: "Jesus loves me, This I know, For the Bible tells me so." In its simplicity, the child's hymn expresses a profound truth: We know of Jesus and His love, we know of truth itself, not because of how we feel in our hearts or because of some kind of emotional lift that tells us the Holy Spirit has taken up residence, and not because God Himself speaks to us in a still, small voice or walks with us in the garden--but because the inspired Word of God tells us--in no uncertain words--so.
And that brings me to the lyrics for this week's choice:
I serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today;
I know that He is living whatever men may say;
I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer,
And just the time I need Him, He's always near.
Refrain:
He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.
He lives, He lives, salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart.
In all the world around me I see His loving care,
And tho' my heart grows weary I never will despair;
I know that He is leading thro' all the stormy blast,
The day of His appearing will come at last.
Rejoice, rejoice, O Christian, lift up your voice and sing
Eternal hallelujahs to Jesus Christ the King!
The hope of all who seek Him, the help of all who find,
None other is so loving, so good and kind.
There really isn't anything untruthful in the verses of this song. The first person dominates, however, which makes me question how well suited this song is for worship.
Again, if our attention is to be drawn to our God and to worshipping Him alone in all of His majesty, power, and glory, then why would we want to sing about what we do? In any earthly endeavor, if we gather to honor another person for some accomplishment, we wouldn't think about talking about ourselves and what we do, and yet this is so often what the church does when it gathers for corporate worship. And so we forget why we're really there, caught up in an emotionally uplifting melody that pleases our sensibilities.
What I find most problematic in this song is the chorus, with its emphasis on a subjective experience with and knowledge of God. Like "In the Garden," God walks with us and talks with us. And yet He doesn't. His Son walked and dwelt among us at a point in history, but He doesn't today. And He does talk to us--through His Word. But then we do get to the problem of how we know He lives: "He lives within my heart." But there are those who don't believe He lives, because He doesn't live within their hearts. So does that make Him alive for those of us who feel Him in our hearts and not alive for those who don't? And I have to admit that if the truth of God's existence were dependent on what I feel in my heart, some days I would have to wonder.
Thankfully, this is not how we know He lives. This is not how we know truth. The apostle John tells us in 1 John 1:3--What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, that you may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ. You ask me how I know He lives? The Bible tells me so.
So for those of you who may be wondering if you missed something somewhere, I explained the rationale for my selections for the "Not So Great Hymns of the Faith" in the March 19, 2007, posting. But as a reminder, my comments are concerned with whether these songs are the best choices for corporate worship. They may be expressive of truth, they may be beautifully penned, they may be meaningful in the appropriate setting; the question is, Are these the best choices for a worship service where we are to be focused on honoring our God?
As I consider the lyrics to both "In the Garden" and "He Lives," I am reminded, oddly enough, of my Introduction to Philosophy class at Cedarville College (now University), and our beloved philosophy professor, Mr. (now Dr.) Grier. We were in awe of this Calvinist-teacher-in-a-Baptist-college who had studied at Westminster Seminary under teachers like Van Til, Murray, and Young. To say that we admired and respected our Mr. Grier is an understatement. So I will never forget the lecture on epistemology in which Mr. Grier told us about his favorite hymn. When Mr. Grier asked, "Do you know what my favorite hymn is," I was on the edge of my seat. I just knew he was going to name some glorious Reformation anthem that could be found in the Trinity Hymnal or some Psalter somewhere. But his answer was completely unexpected: "Jesus Loves Me." What? That's a Sunday school song; that's the first song a child learns as soon as he or she is capable of talking. But the explanation was powerful: "Jesus loves me, This I know, For the Bible tells me so." In its simplicity, the child's hymn expresses a profound truth: We know of Jesus and His love, we know of truth itself, not because of how we feel in our hearts or because of some kind of emotional lift that tells us the Holy Spirit has taken up residence, and not because God Himself speaks to us in a still, small voice or walks with us in the garden--but because the inspired Word of God tells us--in no uncertain words--so.
And that brings me to the lyrics for this week's choice:
I serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today;
I know that He is living whatever men may say;
I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer,
And just the time I need Him, He's always near.
Refrain:
He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.
He lives, He lives, salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart.
In all the world around me I see His loving care,
And tho' my heart grows weary I never will despair;
I know that He is leading thro' all the stormy blast,
The day of His appearing will come at last.
Rejoice, rejoice, O Christian, lift up your voice and sing
Eternal hallelujahs to Jesus Christ the King!
The hope of all who seek Him, the help of all who find,
None other is so loving, so good and kind.
There really isn't anything untruthful in the verses of this song. The first person dominates, however, which makes me question how well suited this song is for worship.
Again, if our attention is to be drawn to our God and to worshipping Him alone in all of His majesty, power, and glory, then why would we want to sing about what we do? In any earthly endeavor, if we gather to honor another person for some accomplishment, we wouldn't think about talking about ourselves and what we do, and yet this is so often what the church does when it gathers for corporate worship. And so we forget why we're really there, caught up in an emotionally uplifting melody that pleases our sensibilities.
What I find most problematic in this song is the chorus, with its emphasis on a subjective experience with and knowledge of God. Like "In the Garden," God walks with us and talks with us. And yet He doesn't. His Son walked and dwelt among us at a point in history, but He doesn't today. And He does talk to us--through His Word. But then we do get to the problem of how we know He lives: "He lives within my heart." But there are those who don't believe He lives, because He doesn't live within their hearts. So does that make Him alive for those of us who feel Him in our hearts and not alive for those who don't? And I have to admit that if the truth of God's existence were dependent on what I feel in my heart, some days I would have to wonder.
Thankfully, this is not how we know He lives. This is not how we know truth. The apostle John tells us in 1 John 1:3--What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, that you may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ. You ask me how I know He lives? The Bible tells me so.
3/25/07
1 John 2:3-11: Keeping His Commands
As our pastor was preaching from 1 John this afternoon in his continuing series on this epistle, I couldn't help but think that this was a book for people whose minds function like mine--people who like written instructions, checklists, and--above all--order. And I also thought about my first really close look at this book when I was a college student and I was struggling with assurance of salvation; Jon, then my fiance, pointed me to this book, which gives us proof after proof to test ourselves and then be reassured (or not) about our salvation. This book establishes once and for all that our status in Christ is not dependent on ourselves or our feelings, and that's a huge comfort for a recovering Baptist. I loved this book then, and I love it now.
In his introduction, our pastor pointed out that this passage is a description of those who are keeping commandments--nowhere here are we commanded to keep the commandments. We are then given four proofs for checking ourselves to know whether we truly know God.
John is very straightforward in v. 3: "And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments." This is not a knowing about God, like someone we have read about in a book. We may have information about and knowledge of someone we have read about, but we don't really know that person. John is talking about knowing the true God. The second thing to note in this verse is that we don't come to know God by being obedient. This is not a conditional situation. In fact, this is an objective standard--His commandments. No one who truly knows God would think that it doesn't matter what he or she does. Keeping God's commandments is the result, the response, to the grace of God, who saves us and is known by us.
The second proof, in v. 4, is if we know God, we speak the truth. This is not a matter of recalling facts. If we know Him, the truth is now in us; it is a part of us. In Jeremiah 31:33, God says that He will write His law on our hearts. This heart knowing is the truth that we live and speak. Again, if we truly know God, we will live His way. Today there are many who reason differently; for example, there are some who would argue this way: "I know a man who really loves God, and he is a homosexual, but he really loves God, so it must be okay to be a homosexual." There is no disconnect between knowing God and living in truth and obedience. God's truth changes us; we don't change His law.
A third proof is perfected love (v. 5), and this is a recurring theme in 1 John. Love from God is made complete in us--it is accomplished. It is impossible for us not to keep His word when His love is perfected in us. Our heart of disobedience has been cast out. Because God loves us, we desire to be obedient. Our obedience does not make God love us. This understanding is the opposite of works righteousness.
The fourth proof is union with God in verse 6. "The one who abides in [Christ] ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked." Out of this abiding in Christ is our abiding in God the Father. Colossians 3:1 tells us we have union with Christ and the Father, and fruit will accompany that union. We are branches in the vine (Christ), so we must bear fruit. God gives us this blessed life because of our salvation, and yet we are not perfect in our obedience, but we live differently. So how do we understand that at times we sin and still rest assured that we keep His commandments and know Him? A series of "D" words helps us understand this:
1. We know there is a divide--that there is a difference between obedience and disobedience.
2. We experience deep dissatisfaction when we disobey--we are distressed by our sin.
3. We delight in obedience.
4. With great diligence, we seek to be ever more faithful in obedience--to God's glory.
5. Development--we continue to grow in discipleship, in our walk (another prominent theme in this book).
This is how we can have the comfort of knowing that have come to know Him if we keep His commandments.
In his introduction, our pastor pointed out that this passage is a description of those who are keeping commandments--nowhere here are we commanded to keep the commandments. We are then given four proofs for checking ourselves to know whether we truly know God.
John is very straightforward in v. 3: "And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments." This is not a knowing about God, like someone we have read about in a book. We may have information about and knowledge of someone we have read about, but we don't really know that person. John is talking about knowing the true God. The second thing to note in this verse is that we don't come to know God by being obedient. This is not a conditional situation. In fact, this is an objective standard--His commandments. No one who truly knows God would think that it doesn't matter what he or she does. Keeping God's commandments is the result, the response, to the grace of God, who saves us and is known by us.
The second proof, in v. 4, is if we know God, we speak the truth. This is not a matter of recalling facts. If we know Him, the truth is now in us; it is a part of us. In Jeremiah 31:33, God says that He will write His law on our hearts. This heart knowing is the truth that we live and speak. Again, if we truly know God, we will live His way. Today there are many who reason differently; for example, there are some who would argue this way: "I know a man who really loves God, and he is a homosexual, but he really loves God, so it must be okay to be a homosexual." There is no disconnect between knowing God and living in truth and obedience. God's truth changes us; we don't change His law.
A third proof is perfected love (v. 5), and this is a recurring theme in 1 John. Love from God is made complete in us--it is accomplished. It is impossible for us not to keep His word when His love is perfected in us. Our heart of disobedience has been cast out. Because God loves us, we desire to be obedient. Our obedience does not make God love us. This understanding is the opposite of works righteousness.
The fourth proof is union with God in verse 6. "The one who abides in [Christ] ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked." Out of this abiding in Christ is our abiding in God the Father. Colossians 3:1 tells us we have union with Christ and the Father, and fruit will accompany that union. We are branches in the vine (Christ), so we must bear fruit. God gives us this blessed life because of our salvation, and yet we are not perfect in our obedience, but we live differently. So how do we understand that at times we sin and still rest assured that we keep His commandments and know Him? A series of "D" words helps us understand this:
1. We know there is a divide--that there is a difference between obedience and disobedience.
2. We experience deep dissatisfaction when we disobey--we are distressed by our sin.
3. We delight in obedience.
4. With great diligence, we seek to be ever more faithful in obedience--to God's glory.
5. Development--we continue to grow in discipleship, in our walk (another prominent theme in this book).
This is how we can have the comfort of knowing that have come to know Him if we keep His commandments.
3/22/07
Jerome
This is my lovely daughter, Katie, who is playing the role of Jerome, a little French-Polynesian boy in South Pacific, her school's musical. Normally Katie looks more like an Irish girl--red hair, freckles (especially in the summer), fair skin, and blue eyes. But she's enamored with the stage, and so she will do quite a bit to get into character.
Other factors besides acting and singing ability that may have helped her get this role: She is a little bit height challenged, so it isn't as big a stretch (pun intended) to play a child, and she has had French for almost two years, the language of her character.
Other factors besides acting and singing ability that may have helped her get this role: She is a little bit height challenged, so it isn't as big a stretch (pun intended) to play a child, and she has had French for almost two years, the language of her character.
So tonight is opening night for Katie and her fellow actors at South Christian High School, and I remember from my own high school musical days that there are few things in life during those years more exciting than opening night, than having worked hard and having some fun on the way, and worrying about that one major character who still didn't have his or her lines down at dress rehearsal . . .
And lest he feel left out, Jonathan, my son, tells me he got a 100 percent on his history test today. So there is much joy and celebration at our house this week!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)