Changes

Because of our big move this coming weekend and--there's something the following weekend--oh, right, getting married, and then a week of honeymooning after that, this will be my last post as a single mom, the way I described myself in my profile when I started this little blog. Back on that cold winter morning in January 2007, I had no idea that I would ever need to change the profile on my blog because (1) I didn't know how long blogging would last for me; and (2) I had pretty much decided marriage was something that, if it happened at all, would probably happen when I was much older, when Katie and Jonathan had grown up and moved on with lives of their own.

I have to say that this is a change I definitely welcome, because I've never wanted to be a single mom, I've always desired to be married, and having Katie and Jonathan was the result of my being married in the first place. And even though single parenting has been the most difficult task I can imagine, I've learned many things along the way on this twelve-year unwelcome journey that I hope will make me a better wife and married mom. These are some of the most significant lessons God has taught me.

1. God does provide--but not always in the way we would expect Him to. When I was between jobs and had no health insurance for my family and worried what would happen if one of us were sick or injured, God provided by keeping us all healthy and injury free. When I worried about a godly male influence for my growing children, God put it in my parents' hearts to move from Ohio to Michigan so that my dad was here to fill in the gaps. And then He gave me the idea of asking our church's deaconry if there was a young man who would like to minister to Jonathan as a "big brother," and God gave us Tom, who took Jonathan under his wing. When I resisted working full time because I didn't want to take time away from Katie and Jonathan but finances made it necessary, God gave me a full-time job at Discovery House Publishers, the most family friendly employer I can imagine. And my boss, Carol (who is more like a friend), who has great experience as a working mom and grandma, couldn't be more understanding when family issues arise. God does provide, we just need to ask for eyes to see His provision.

2. Waiting for God to deliver what we need is always the best strategy. I mentioned that I never wanted to be single, and raising two children is a lonely and trying job. Out of loneliness I entered the dating arena (always a wrong motivation), lowered my standards considerably, and was hugely disappointed on a couple of occasions as I tried to take matters into my own hands and find a husband. I'm not going to argue that actively seeking a spouse is a bad thing, but a desire for marriage has to be rightly motivated, and if it isn't, it probably won't go well (as it didn't for me). When I finally sat back, relaxed, and learned to be content with God's plan for my life, He brought me Henry--but only when He had made me ready for him. God always gives us what is best for us.

3. God does give us what is best for us, even when it hurts. It's the stuff of cliche: We tell our children, "This hurts me more than it hurts you" when we punish them or give them medicine or take them for a vaccination. And when we become adults, we look back and are grateful that our parents steeled themselves and punished us, made us take medicine, and took us for our vaccinations. During a long stretch of unemployment, several jobs became available that I just knew would be perfect for me. When I didn't get those jobs, I was angry and disappointed. One of those jobs was at a bookstore that ended up going out of business a few months after I interviewed for the job. Do you think God knew that bookstore was going to go out of business? I can't imagine a job that I could love more than the one I have now. I'm encouraged to learn and grow, my abilities are appreciated, I work with wonderful Christian people, I get to write often, and I've acquired the greatest group of author friends who are so enjoyable to interact with. And even though during my job search I often behaved as a selfish child, God still gave this amazing job to me. Thankfully He reserved His best for me and didn't just give me what I wanted.

4. I learned to approach life more calmly with a better sense of perspective. When I was 28, my 20-year-old sister was killed in a car accident. When I was 33, I stood by my 35-year-old husband's bedside as he drew his last breath. Looking death in the eye like that makes you see things a little bit differently. Gaining perspective still didn't happen for me overnight because I had to learn the lessons of numbers 1-3 before I really got a handle on this one, but I think I'm on my way.

5. I learned that I actually could do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I could take care of a family. I could buy a house. I could find a faithful church when the one we were members of collapsed. I could work full-time and find creative ways of meeting my kids' needs--and I could be good at my job. I could teach my children the truths of the Word with the help of instruction from a faithful pastor, godly school teachers, and godly grandparents. I could take us on a vacation to Williamsburg, Virginia. And now I can be a good wife to Henry--because God will provide what I need to be a good wife.

So as you, dear readers, think of us in the coming weeks, pray for us--for a safe and efficient move into a new home, a happy wedding with lots of great and meaningful moments, peace for Henry as he assumes the role of husband and father and actually lives with other people for the first time in many years, obedience and understanding for Katie and Jonathan as they now answer to a father for the first time in their memory, and encouragement as the three of us leave behind a church and pastor that we have loved and join Henry at his congregation. Pray that I'll never forget the lessons I've learned in my single years, and that those lessons will make me an effective wife, mom, and editor. Pray--because another lesson that I've learned is that God hears our prayers and answers when we pray according to His will.

And in a couple of weeks, when I come back to my little blog, it will be as a married mom.