Of Boys and Men and Dads

One thing that has been particularly difficult for me as a single mom has been trying to reconcile God's loving providence for my family with the fact that both of my children are growing up fatherless. I have never had any doubt that God's ideal for the family is both a father and mother, with the father filling the headship role. I've never felt comfortable being the head of our home, and yet I've had to be just that. And I've always been aware that I could give my children most things that they need, but I've never been, nor ever will be, capable of being a father to them. And while my own father has stepped in and been an amazing grandfather to both of my children (I couldn't have asked for anything more) and has an especially close relationship with Jonathan, he still isn't a dad to them.

And I've seen both children suffer for that in different ways. And while I know that a girl needs a father for some important reasons, I've always felt my Jonathan suffered more. The only male in the home, he couldn't have gotten a more girly girl, completely uninterested in all things athletic, don't know how to use tools and don't care, I love purses and shoes, mom. He's had no one to play catch with, to take him golfing, or even when he was younger yet old enough to understand that he was a boy--no one to take him to that most mysterious of all places closed to females: the men's room.

So Al Mohler's blog was particularly interesting this week, as he addressed the issues of "The Disappearing Father" and then "The Dangerous Book for Boys." Mohler reports that researchers in Great Britain are on the verge of creating sperm cells from bone marrow that would allow women to conceive without men. In some ways, artificial insemination is allowing women to have their own families without men. It's frightening to think of a society of children raised without fathers--especially since some of those children will be men who could potentially become fathers. As a woman who has been raising two children for over ten years without a husband/father, I've seen the challenges and have tried to compensate by exposing my children to strong, godly men where I've had the opportunity. Probably lesbian couples or women who just want to do this thing on their own won't be that conscientious. It's scary. If there's a shortage of strong men now, what will a generation of children who have been intentionally raised without the participation of a father be like?

Mohler followed up his frightening look at the future of families with an article about a new book for boys entitled The Dangerous Book for Boys. The book was originally sold in Great Britain last year, and it will be offered in the United States this year just in time for summer. The publisher hopes to sell four million copies in the States. This book comes at an interesting time--I was just having a conversation recently with my favorite male friend, who was telling me he missed the days when it was legal to burn the trash. Apparently it was one chore he and his brother were happy to take on, and then I remembered that my own brother had been very quick to accept the task of burning the trash. My friend explained that the slight element of danger involved made this activity much more than just a chore--it was an adventure. I explained that the danger of it all was exactly why I was glad that it was now illegal and that probably the number one reason I never took up smoking was my fear of matches and all things fire related.

My own assessment of trash burning reveals that yet again I do not understand the needs of boys-becoming-men (what a shock!). One Wall Street Journal writer reporting on this book explains: "The unapologetic message is that boys need a certain amount of danger and risk in their lives, and that there are certain lessons that need to be passed down from father to son, man to man." In fact, the authors believe that the book has been successful because our culture is overprotective, and so boys aren't learning about taking risks. Mild injuries are good for them; apparently if we don't let our boys take these mild risks, they'll be out taking other kinds of risks like walking on train tracks.

So what do boys learn about in this book? Apparently necessary boy things like reading cloud formations, making batteries, constructing the best paper airplane in the world, how to tie certain kinds of knots, and even how to talk to and treat girls. The authors give boys this sage advice: Girls "do not get quite as excited by the use of urine as a secret ink as boys do." And while I, as a girl, feel a little disgusted by this, I'm also kind of intrigued. But good advice...

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing this book in stores. I think both Jonathan and I have a lot to learn.