Self Esteem v. Confidence (and the Plight of America's Youth)

One of my co-workers shared a Fox news story with me today that reports on a new study that shows that today's college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors. Apparently we've been telling them that they are special too much. The benefits of this narcissim: It can be useful for meeting people and auditioning for American Idol. So those children going into the sales and entertainment businesses should be all set.

The downside to this emphasis on specialness is that these students won't be able to sustain a romantic relationship, they are at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and exhibit overcontrolling and violent behaviors. They also react agressively to criticism and favor promoting themselves over helping others. The psychologists who conducted this study attribute this narcissism to the self-esteem movement of the 1980s, technologies that encourage narcissism such as MySpace and YouTube, and just too much indulgence.

"Permissiveness seems to be a component," one of the experts noted. The antidote? More authoritative parenting. Duh!

Contrast this report on America's priviliged, spoiled youth with last night's ABC special on the South African young girls who have been selected to attend the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. While I'm not a big Oprah fan, I am glad to see an overly rich celebrity putting her money where her mouth is--giving these underprivileged girls an education in the hope that they will be able to make a difference in their country.

These young girls, twelve to thirteen years old, were amazing. As many advantages as American children have--that's how many disadvantages these children have. Several of the girls interviewed have lost one or both of their parents, and they all come from poor homes, most without indoor plumbing. One young girl gets up at 4:00 in the morning to walk to the bus and risks rape and murder every time she leaves her house.

These girls should be (by American standards) defeated, bad students, depressed and despairing, and completely lacking in confidence. But, on the contrary, they were remarkably poised, confident, and communicated their desires to be leaders, "make a difference," and find a cure for AIDS. Again, these are twelve- and thirteen-year- olds. One girl, commenting on her poverty, said, "We don't have much, but my mother told us that we shouldn't let that get us down. This is what God has given us." They were quick to tell interviewers what they were good at ("I'm at the top of my class," I'm a hard worker," I love mathematics"), but never once did they express an attitude of arrogance.

They spoke respectfully, lovingly of the parents and grandparents who care for them--even two sisters who watched their father shoot their mother and then kill himself. It was an inspirational story, and I used about a whole box of tissues during the hour the special was on. (I'll also be recording it Saturday night when it is shown again; it will be required viewing for Katie and Jonathan. It should be required viewing for every child in America.) When these children were shown their new school--an amazing facility designed by Oprah herself--they were most excited by the shiny new bathrooms and showers. You'd have thought they were given an iPod or some kind of game system.

So in America, we have been teaching our children to sing, "I am special, I am special, Look at me," to the tune of Frere Jacques. In South Africa, poor children are taught the value of education, family, hard work, and responsibility to others. In fact, they have already learned the important lessons that we are trying so hard to buy for our children here in America. I'm thrilled that these lovely girls will have this opportunity in Oprah's academy, but the plight of American children seems to suggest that money isn't the answer. Maybe once these girls get their education in South Africa, they can come to America and help us out.